#and then found this unfinished flash fiction from who knows when

[bookshelf-in-progress]

A Daughter's Gift: A Beauty and the Beast Retelling

You never told me where the rose came from. You simply handed it to me among the Christmas gift-giving, a spot of summer in that mid-winter storm. I was too delighted to question it. It seemed another miracle in that miraculous day, all those gifts filling our little kitchen the way they’d filled our parlor in the days of plenty. We all believed your story, that the ship had come home laden with treasures, and that you’d been able to buy us everything we’d asked for and more. Even miraculous flowers that lasted through snowstorms.

When you said you were leaving after New Year’s, no one questioned that, either. Now that we were prosperous, there would be more business to attend to, more money to handle in businesses that didn’t exist in this little country town. No doubt you’d be engaging us a real house again, and we’d be back in the city before Easter.

But then you didn’t return. And didn’t return. The eldest of your sons traveled to the city and found that you’d never arrived. None of the inns had seen you pass by. It was as if you’d disappeared from the world the moment your wagon left our sight. By now there were no signs in the snow, no body to find. You had vanished, and there was nothing for us to grieve.

A year passed, two. We thought you dead, knew you dead, but did not want to believe you dead. And so we searched, and lifted our heads in hope every time there was word of a stranger in town. I wandered into the forest on every snowy day, hoping to find the mysterious something that could have diverted you from your path.

After three years, I found it. I traveled on my normal route through the woods, but I suddenly found myself in an open meadow full of springtime flowers, an arm’s-length away from the Beast.

I capitalize it, because you know, and I know, that there is only one who fits that name. The creature with the fur and head and claws of a wolf that stands and speaks like a misshapen man.

Its voice rumbled like thunder. “You are the thief’s daughter.”

I protested at that—faced with such a lie, I could contradict any monster. “My father is an honest man.”

“And a thief,” it said.

With those words, the rose—your final gift to me—appeared in my hand. I had memorized—could recognize—its every petal and thorn. It had remained fresh through all these long years, and I had questioned that, but not too closely—I did not like to think that my gift had brought about your ruin.

“This is mine,” I said. “My father gave it to me.”

“And he stole it from me,” the Beast said. “The price was his freedom.”

My heart went to my throat. “You have him prisoner?”

“It was his choice. My justice.”

I swallowed. “What...what was the other choice?”

“To send you.”

I cried at that. To know that you’d sacrificed yourself to save me.

How was I to repay such love? There was only one way.

By sacrificing myself for you.

I beg you, do not be angry with me. Just as you couldn't bear to send me in your place, so I couldn't bear to leave you as a monster’s prisoner. Not when I had the power to save you.

The Beast promises I shall be treated as a guest. This palace contains marvels I have barely begun to explore. I shall be safe and happy here, if I know you are safe and happy at home.

Do not search for me. Do not weep for me. Accept my gift as I accepted yours--with love and gratitude--and know that I would give much more for the sake of such a father.

I know well the price of love. I pay it gladly.

Know that, wherever I am, I will always love you all.

[narcissarina]

Darkened Desires

Prologue and Chapter 1: The sun || Chapter 2: The moon || Chapter 3: The moon || Chapter 4: The sun || Chapter 5: The sun || Chapter 6: The moon || Chapter 7: The moon || Chapter 8: The sun

Pairings: Mafia!Scaramouche × Barista!Reader

Word count: 1,104

Tw: praise kink, degradation, kidnapping, tourture, dub/non-con, forced breeding, dismembering, gore, deaths, age-gap, corruption, use of force, trauma, use of drugs, stalking, mentions of human trafficking on the near chapters, slowburn.

Warning: This fanfiction may contain kidnapping, torture, dub/non-con, forced breeding, dismembering, age-gap, corruption, vigilante Scaramouche, use of force, trauma, use of drugs, stalking, and more. This fiction will continue grow darker as chapters goes by.

Your mental health matters.

CHAPTER 9:

THE SUN

We got back in silence, he dropped me off—saying that he still has some unfinished business he left back to his office. I just nodded and went to my home.

It was refreshing to be alone for now, changing to my comfy wear as I flop in my bed, I mutter to myself that why is he a mafia and his step-mom—who he held in high regard an agent.

Was she aware of this? If so, why didn’t she stop his son on becoming a dangerous fellow?

This questions swirl in my head and eventually made me fall in deep slumber. My whole body felt tired and my mind exhausted. I hope he stays safe, it made it much clearer that he saves women and children from danger but what puzzles me is why did he pursue being a mafia instead of becoming an agent like his step-mom.

My eyes began to feel heavy, yawning as I roll over—snatched and hugged pillow, wrapping my body with my favorite blanket as I let myself fall in deep slumber.

I had a dream, in my dream. I’m walking in a field of flowers, I picked up a rose and someone trim the thorns of that rose, we were happy—hands together as he danced with me in a field of tulips. He’s gentle, loving and giving, he has a smile that would make me smile too. I can’t hear his voice when he speaks but I understood anyway.

My dream felt real and so vivid, I want to see his face but I couldn’t. I held out a hand and caress his cheeks, he leans to my palm and kisses it.

“I want to see you.”

“You already saw me.”

What he said shock me, but I felt happy—my stomach and heart felt fuzzy and warm.

“I found you?”

“You found me.”

I laugh and hugged him, I could feel his warm hands at my back and gave me a kiss on my temple. Now, I felt sleepy again. My eyes flittering shut as I fell in a deep slumber again.

“… yes…”

My ears were ringing.

“… I got…. Her… y…”

Someone’s talking, my head felt heavy. I felt déjà vu.

“Sir, she’s awake.” Someone said beside me, I felt a sharp object being pulled out from my shoulder.

Opening my eyes was already painful enough as I see someone blind me with a flashing light, squeezing my eyes shut as I groan from the light.

Hissing as I pull my legs up to my chest, I hear a clunk from my ankle—opening my eyes to see, I am chained.

Someone chuckled and I heard they put down their call and their heels click, their footstep approaching me. My vision still a blur, trying to focus my sight. I got a glimpse of that person towering me.

It was that ginger guy,

My throat is too dry but I manage to utter his name, “Ajax?”

He chuckle and pat my head, “hey there, girlie. I hope you had a wonderful dream,” he said with a smile, “before my boys take you away, they said you were snoring it all away.”

I tilt my head, my ears still ringing then fading away.

“oh, does your head hurts?” he spoke with concern, I nod and softly groan from my headache, “if they knew you’re a deep sleeper then they wouldn’t have to drug you, but I guess that’s also my fault.” He gave a weak laugh and kneel down to my level.

“I hope you don’t mind being kept here, you know.” He shrug and clasp his hands together, his knees on the ground and using his ankle to support his rear, “Since, Scara wouldn’t give in and take his mission seriously ever since he met you, you know?”

How much does this man kept on yapping?

All I heard that they’re on a deal with this woman name, or what he called the Tsarista, I squint and hiss as my ears kept on ringing then fading.

“You know, you don’t have to worry being starved. You’ll get food, I’m not that cruel to starve his sunshine, now do I?” he chuckle and boops my nose, “I’m curious too if he’ll go lengths to find you.” He stood and brush off some dust on his knees then tidy his sleeves.

“oh yeah, there’s no spare room. Don’t mind the dead bodies that will be put and rot here.” He added before turning his back at me, my throat felt dry and he saw that—mentioning to one of his men to fetch me water and get me my needs before leaving me in this dimly lit room.

The chain clunk as I move to stretch my legs and feel the coldness of the wall and floor.

What the hell did I do to deserve to be treated like this?

If he ever noticed something was wrong, I hope he notice quickly.

I want home.

Get me home.

Please…

I woke up from hunger, the ringing from my ear finally stopped.

I groan and look at my surroundings, nothing but darkness and emptiness. I stood and crack and stretch my muscle and bones, I step into something but I didn’t step too hard that it’ll break. Looking down, I see a small remote with only one button.

I picked it up and sat down again, analyzing and flipping the remote then clicked the button.

Minutes passed and I hear the door click and open, I saw a man in his tux holding a tray filled with food and something to drink, milktea and water. I tilt in confusion as he sets down the tray and left the room, without thinking much I chug down to the tray filled with goodies—trying to have my fill and to have my stomach stop growling from hunger.

I felt full, I think to myself that maybe this remote—every time I press its button, one of his men will come get me food every time I feel hungry or something.

“Maybe he wasn’t really kidding on not to have to worry about me being starved.” I mutter to myself and continue munching on my food.

It felt nice, my stomach felt warm and I love having my fill.

But I don’t like being kept in the dark, I don’t like the dark.

It’s not warm like the sun hitting my skin, it’s not the sunlight hugging me—instead it’s the darkness in this room, I have no one to keep me company here.

I hope he comes to get me soon…

Link:

Chapter 10: The outsider

[bogleech]

I tend to just assume all my artwork, little fiction projects, comics, flash animations and other created work is just old news to anyone even passingly familiar with me but....I get the feeling very few of you know more than 1% of it as I look over the folder where I keep what’s probably less than half of all I’ve held onto.

This folder doesn’t include ANY of Mortasheen or Awful Hospital, each of which are another several thousand files themselves. I’m thinking of sorting a bunch of this other stuff into various zip files I could share on my patreon with accompanying notes, explanations and sketches wherever applicable, maybe also include the raw digital art files? I’ll probably still have to leave out some things that are just too boring and stupid, or really personal commissions/gift art, but there’s still gotta be a thousand things I could share. Here’s some random miscellaneous thingies:

For a while I was illustrating various mythological vampires, ghouls and other undead for a book collab with C.M. Kosemen (All Tomorrows, etc.) that fell to the wayside when he had to work on a much bigger project.

Another book project that didn’t get off the ground was going to be a cartoony look at truly obscure real world animal groups, like this Aspidosiphon. This was going to be a collab with biologist Ross Piper after his book Animal Earth, but didn’t really go past the “floating ideas around” stage and some sample art.

I illustrated a couple dozen enemies for the game “Crystal Catacombs,” in some cases influencing the final in-game designs. Had a lot of fun doing this, though the game never sold enough to get many royalties.

I started but unfortunately never completed a visual novel style game a few years back that was another Silent Hill homage, told from the perspective of a monster manifested entirely to torment a single human. Multiple characters/creatures exist as these very quick low-resolution doodles and a ton of story notes.

I illustrated creature cards for a board game, Chimera Island, where you mixed and matched different heads, bodies and tails then basically argued a case for what would make a given creature successful in the randomized ecosystem. Friends and I played an early copy of this game once and found it really really fun, but then the creator totally rehashed the mechanics after some other group’s mixed feedback, we found the new version extremely difficult to figure out, and I think the whole project got scrapped or it released to poor reception, I can’t remember, and I don’t even know what happened to that single fun prototype :[

There’s other unfinished or half-finished projects, and there’s just hundreds and hundreds of miscellaneous things that serve no purpose. There’s also tons locked up in Adobe Flash files from when I used that as my drawing software, but I no longer have any cracked software that can open those. There’s assets for multiple whole platformer games, for instance, that uh...were also commissions by people who gave up or moved on to other projects before any of it saw the light of day. At least I still got most of the pay, when pay was actually promised (I was a bit trusting)

[hologramcowboy]

Unintitled Fan Fiction for Now

Chapter 1 - Haunting Reveries? Oh, I honestly don’t know what to title it. Open to suggestions. [EDIT] Title of chapter is officially “Haunted”.

The rain drummed relentlessly against the window, a haunting rhythm that felt both ancient and familiar. It played like an old song Dean couldn’t quite place, but his mind swayed to it, drifting away to another time, another place—one he didn’t recognize but could see in fleeting, vivid flashes. He tried to piece together the scattered images, but they slipped away the moment he tried to focus. 

“What the hell…” Dean gasped, snapping awake, the vivid images dissolving into the darkness of his room. This was the fourth night in a row. Four nights of déjà vu that felt too real, too visceral. The scenes were always the same—snippets of a world long before his time, a life he hadn’t lived, couldn’t have lived. And always, at the heart of it, was her. He could never see her clearly, but her lips stood out, stained like wine, sensual and haunting. He didn’t know her name, didn’t know why she felt so familiar, but every glimpse of her sent his heart racing. She was a mystery—a beautiful, haunting universe he couldn’t escape.

Each time he woke up breathless, the dreams pulling him deeper, leaving him raw and restless. Tonight was no different. Dean dragged himself to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face as he stared at his reflection. His eyes looked different, older somehow, like he’d seen too much. He felt… changed, like he belonged to another time.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice broke through the stillness, followed by a soft knock on the door. “You awake?” 

Dean turned, feeling an odd sense of comfort at the sound of his brother’s voice. “S-Sammy… yeah, I’m up.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to pull himself together. 

“It’s 4 AM, man…” Sam’s voice was soft, but there was an urgency behind it. “But I found something on that estate case—a journal from 1835. The architect mentions parts of the house that weren’t in the original plans…”

Dean’s skin prickled with unease. The estate—the place where all of this began. The visions, the dreams… the haunting sense of something unfinished. It all started when he touched that statue of the angel in the garden. He hadn’t told Sam any of it—about the dreams, about her. 

“Listen, Sammy, I’m in a weird headspace right now. Can we just… pick this up in the morning?”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry, I got carried away. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

Dean watched his brother retreat, then collapsed back into bed, exhausted. The weight of the visions and the pull of that mysterious woman lingered in his mind. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was calling him, pulling him deeper into something he couldn’t quite grasp. For the first time in a long time, Dean felt like he was chasing ghosts—one in particular, who might just be the key to everything.

Sam watched Dean retreat back to his room, the weariness in his brother’s eyes lingering in his mind. He knew Dean was struggling with something deeper, something he wasn’t ready to share. Quietly, Sam returned to the makeshift library they had set up downstairs, stacks of old books and faded journals sprawled out like a detective’s web. The soft glow of the lamp illuminated the pages as Sam resumed his research, diving back into the tangled history of the estate. He flipped through the brittle pages with care, each entry a potential key to unraveling the mystery. Despite the late hour, he felt at peace knowing that, at least for tonight, Dean was finally resting. Upstairs, his brother was falling back into the quiet grip of sleep, haunted but not alone, while Sam continued to swim in the sea of old words and secrets, determined to find the truth that would help them both.

[d0ntw0rrybehappy]

On my last day in Berlin went to a lake near Teufelsberg (Teufelssee, devil’s lake lol) where about a hundred people were bathing and sunning themselves in the buff. It’s kinda an institution around Europe. So I’m like cool and I join them, get nakey in nature and swim around in a nice cool lake. Definitely fewer full frontal women than men, and being young as well, felt very conscious of gaze, but also wanna get naked like everybody else and felt it was my right. Suss the towel spot for weird dudes, spot a few — just guys with gazes that aren’t quite right — but on second glance they’re, like, fine. Not actionable level creepy. There’s one man nearby who gives me some solace, an old-ish guy in cool glasses and long hair for whom it is just clearly nonsexual chillin’. Exchange a wordless hello.

Swim, come back, blah blah. I’m stoned and had spent the afternoon in the forest gazing at bloated Nazi oil tanks hidden off the main path. The tanks with which I’d had an almost religious interaction turned out to be American, supplying the spy station atop Teufelsberg during the Cold War. The Nazi part is the unfinished university underneath Teufelsberg, which is an artificial hill formed of rubble because the Americans found this strategy easier than using dynamite. Truth isn’t always stranger than fiction but it does have a way of being unsentimental. So I’m ready to go at this point, had had a nice time swimming, knock the kickstand to my Lime app bike, when I look up to see a sort of ageless nude man (young face, salt-pepper hair) has materialized among the the trees. Wasn’t the water really cold? He asks me.

I shrug. It was fine. He squats down next to me as I kneel to tie my shoes. His long, coltlike legs sort of cross over his penis. He has been watching me swim and sun, he says. He thought I was a refugee, a Syrian immigrant! Ha ha. He noticed I’m alone. Yes, I’m alone. Traveling alone! Wow!

Ah — I remember him. One of the guys scattered around my way when I put my towel down. A quick exchange of glances, not the best vibe, and then he made himself forgotten.

I ask him what he does for work. He says he’s an investor. Inexplicably the idea of him investing in my art flashes through my brain and I become so conscious of appearing opportunistic I almost knock over my bike. And me? Social media, I tell him. His brother has a media agency, he says. Mostly the money in Germany is shit, but it’s pretty good in media, advertising. Germany has a great train that goes unlimited over the summer for 50€. I can explore the Germanic countryside unhindered. His name is Mark. He would love if I might take down his contact info. It’s too bad he caught me right as I was about to go. I am about to ask him for his last name so I can, like, google him but something stops me. Why google?

It’s not until I leave it dawns on me how weird that was. Every day here, a new man wants to be friends. I tell them about my boyfriend. Doesn’t matter. Not necessarily weirdos — a married writer, an IT guy from Damascus, a ballroom dancer from Toulouse, a composer at the Louvre. A guy at an ambient show, a friend of a friend — could feel the energy running through his finger, his hand casually placed near mine. I’m practically folded into the corner seething, I think he’s flirting, but not sure if I’m making it up. I told him I had a boyfriend already. Later he says “not to be too forward but you can stay at my place if your hostel is too far.” I’m trying to think of what to say to this.“What do you mean by forward?” Beat. “but I told you I have a boyfriend.” “Oh, I didn’t know what that meant since you’re backpacking through Europe and all.” By the end I’m practically screaming at the IT guy. “I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I AM NOT INTERESTED. WE ARE WALKING TO THE CLUB AS FRIENDS. PLEASE SIGN HERE.” Still, little things. Hearts. An offer to share a bed.

Women never approach me. I had felt men watching me, yes, when I had been swimming. But you couldn’t tell that I was naked. I’m a damn good swimmer! Ugh. Sometimes I pretend to be stupid.

[ramp-it-up]

...And Forever

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Enhanced!Reader; Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

AU: MCU A/U, after TFATWS

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. SMUT! Read at your own risk. Alternate MCU facts/timeline, lies, cursing, angst,  oral, (F, M receiving) fingering, spit play rank kink, size kink, unprotected sex (wrap it up!), sex on a pool table, semi-public sex, a special surprise, stalker-ish behavior, almost Dark!Steve? Not Beta’d. All errors my own.

A/N: I am an MCU nerd but not a timeline detail gal. Please forgive me if the timeline is off. This is an alternate universe and a work of fiction. Please have fun with it! This is the second part to Always.  Enjoy!

---------------------

You opened your eyes to see that you were in what looked like a break room. There was a coffee machine, a round table with five chairs, a row of lockers, two Captain Americas, and a Winter Soldier.

There was some strange conversation going on.

“Then who gave me the shield at the lake…?”  

Sam was questioning Steve, but he stopped talking when you started moving around.  You must have still been in the wedding venue, because you saw the name of the historic building on various items in the room. 

You scowled up at Sam, Bucky and Steve.

You moved to sit up and Steve was at your side. “Easy…”

“Sweetheart, are you okay?”

You squinted at Steve. His hair was shorter and he was clean shaven, but he was still gorgeous. Those blue eyes were full of concern. 

You raised your hand, and he held it, holding it and caressing it as you raised it to his face.

“Is it really you?”

Steve smiled ruefully at you. “Yeah, it’s me.”

You held his cheek and looked at him, bringing your other hand up to the other side of his face. He smiled at you. 

You grabbed him and hugged him hard, and then pulled back again as he held you in his arms. He moved back and pursed those ruby red lips. 

You had this irresistible urge to...slap the shit out of him. And so you did.

The sound reverberated in the room. Steve just stared up at you, with that fucking beautiful face, and then smiled, rubbing his jaw as if it hurt. 

But you knew it didn’t. And you were tired of the bullshit.

Sam and Bucky moved to calm you down, but you were too quick for them, pacing to the other side of the room. 

“All of you can stay the hell away from me. Y’all have some fuckin nerve. Especially you, Steven.”  

Your Houston accent was shining through with your anger.

“Wow, Sweetheart, that was harsh. But I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

You pointed at Steve.

“Fuck you.” 

You were seething, especially when he raised his eyebrow at your comment. But he quickly fixed his face when he saw the rage on yours. You looked at Sam, who just looked down, and at Bucky, who looked like he was in pain.  

Fuck thier feelings.

“I deserve your anger. I didn't tell…” Steve tried it. 

“You don’t deserve a got damn thing. Not even my anger.” 

Steve was stone faced at your vitriol. You were shaking, trying to control your emotions and not cry.  You were so hot. You fought to keep your voice steady.

“I thought you were dead.” It came out as a ragged whisper. But you knew everyone heard you.

Your voice was low, even, and scary. Bucky looked at you with wide eyes. Your own were brimming with tears.

“I thought you were dead and that they didn’t want to tell me.” 

You waved your hand at Bucky and Sam. And you waited until Steve looked you in the eyes again. 

“I thought you were in prison, that someone, on some alien star, forced you to play some sick gladiator games. Or that HYDRA was still around and they turned you into an agent for them. Or that you lost your memory in the blip. So many scenarios played in my mind, Steven.”

Steve knew better than to talk. This was his time to listen.

“But I never ever once thought that you chose this. Never thought it was your choice to leave and to stay away.”

“Listen…” Sam started speaking.

“Shut the fuck UP, Samuel.” 

If you had Bucky’s knives, all of them would be seriously injured right now.  

“You knew that he was alive and you didn’t tell me. Despite me begging for any kind of information.”  

Sam just pursed his lips and returned your glare.  You were right.

You went and stood in front of Bucky.

“James…” 

He looked at you, those pained eyes making your stomach flip.  

“How could you?  You knew?”

He just stared at you. Retreating into not speaking.

Steve spoke up.

“Yes, I left. Yes, it was my choice.  I thought I could… Well, let’s just say that hindsight is 20/20 and you can’t ever go back. I swore Sam and Buck to secrecy and I asked them to take care of you.  This all just got out of hand.  Didn’t it Buck?”

You watched Steve in disbelief and you swiveled your head toward Bucky and Sam again.

“You both lied to me. And Sam. Did you tell Steve to come back and ruin my life?”

Sam scoffed, offended. “No. I didn’t. S.H.I.E.L.D gave Steve quarterly updates.  You and Bucky happened so fast…” 

You ignored his explanation.

“But you knew exactly where he’d gone.”

“Yes.” Sam was cornered.

You turned back to Bucky. 

“I asked you a question earlier. Did you know?”

He nodded, imperceptibly.  “Doll… I…”

“James Buchanan Barnes. You knew?” Your heart was breaking even more than it was.

“Yes, but it’s complicated. He didn’t come back, at least not the way he left, and I thought it was a done deal. I thought he found…”

You interrupted him. 

“What. Happiness?” 

You turned back to Steve. “Is that what you were looking for, Steve? Happiness?”

“Sweetheart, you made me happy, I just had the chance to finally settle some unfinished business.”

You nodded.

“So James here took advantage of your little vacation to get with his best friend's girl while you explored your other options. Cool.”

It was not cool.

“Do you remember when you asked me if you could trust me, Steve?”  

He just gave a little smile and came to stand before you, looking down at you in that way of his.  He was trying to shake you. You were unshakeable. You raised your chin and looked right in his eyes.

“What you don’t understand is that you can’t pick and choose the pieces of life that you want, Steven.” 

You moved away from all of them. Steve stepped toward you, but stopped when you held up your hand.

“I’ve lived my life for everyone else, for this country, for as long as I can remember.  I deserve a little piece of life, Sweetheart.”  

Steve really believed what he was saying.

“What about me? Do I get a choice?”

Steve looked around at his two best friends, who were now best friends, and his best girl.

“You’re right. I think you should. You should choose.”

Your mouth hinged open. You spoke at the wall, then looked at Bucky.

“What about you, James? Do I need to choose?”

Bucky walked in front of you

“No Doll. You don’t have to choose.”  

You looked up into his eyes.  Damn, he looked so handsome in his bespoke grey suit that he chose for the wedding. And the tie that you gave him set off his eyes.  

“I just….  I just wanted a piece of happiness too. I knew you were Steve’s girl.”  He took both of your hands in his. 

“I don’t deserve you. When Steve didn’t come back, and you and I connected, I couldn’t help it. I was just going to keep an eye out, but…”

He gave you that cute little side smile of his.  And then he kissed you. It was short and sweet and oh so hot. You looked up at him, shook to the core. And then he ruined it all.

“I love you Doll. It was nice while it lasted.” 

Bucky was giving up. 

You nodded and backed away. Not believing this situation. 

“Ok. I’m making my choice.” 

You raised your chin and looked at Steve and Bucky.

“I’m not some fucking marble that you pass around, play with, and trade with your friend.” 

You took a deep breath.  “I choose me.”

You were gone in a flash, before they could even register it.  And although they ran, they couldn’t catch you before you were out of reach.

-----

Three months later, you walked through the late August soup of Houston heat to the bar, pausing when you thought you heard footfalls behind you. You used your speed to zip along to Willy’s; you were safe there.

You were back sharking with the best of them.  But your training was put to good use.  You never got burned and you never got caught.  You were making a good living.  

There were a jumble of misfit super humans who had gathered there with you.  You were a leader now. And you were doing well on your own. It was a life.

You already knew he was coming, and maybe that’s why you moved to the back room to play.

You were prepared, but when you felt him, you still lost your breath.  But you recovered quickly, straightening your spine, despite the fact that he was standing so close to you.

You looked at the dartboard on the wall across from you and chalked your cue.

“Don’t you have other things to take care of? Other wheres? Other whens maybe?”

You learned more about time travel since you’d left New York, and you understood more of what happened. 

The Avengers had access to time travel.  If only you could go back… but no. You were stronger than those men.  You could live with your decisions. And move forward.

“No. What I need to take care of is right here. Right now.”  

His deep growl stirred something inside you, and you fought your body, which was becoming moist at his proximity.

You bent over the table, super soldier dick poking you in the ass before you drew your pool cue back sharply into his stomach.  Abs of steel met the cue and nearly broke it.  He just stepped aside and shook his head at you.

You turned your head to look into his aqua blue eyes and you fell in love all over again.  Shit.

You gave up and turned around, leaning back against the pool table, because he wasn’t giving an inch, not moving from your space.

You scanned the room and your people were watching, but keeping your distance. They all knew who he was, and your history. They gave you space, but wouldn’t let you be hurt without a fight. You nodded at them and they all went to the front, giving you more privacy.

He nodded in their direction. 

“People fall under your spell fast, I know that all too well. They trust you.”

You lifted your head. “I’ve never done anything to make them not trust me.”

He sighed.  “Point taken.”

“Why did you come here?  I know that you’ve known where I was. Sam must have told you.” 

“I’ve known where you were. How could I not? I didn’t need Sam to tell me. It’s not like you were trying to hide.”  

He cocked his head at you.

“But the reason that I’m here, now, is that I’ve always been slow at math. And I just put two and two together.”

You smirked up at him. “You’re right. This is home. A leopard doesn’t change her stripes.”

He just chuckled at your evasion.

“You wanna play a game?” 

His eyes followed you, undeterred by your challenge.

You walked around to the other side of the table, leaned over and gathered the balls to be racked. 

You held two in one hand and looked at him.  He smiled and the electricity at the small of your back was everything. He slowly walked around to you as you racked them.

He took in your form (including your ample cleavage) as you bent over the table and your mouth as you said the word, “Break.”

“I’m tired of playing games, Doll. I’m just here to win you back.”

You turned around and faced him, looking up at him, now aware of his smell.  You closed your eyes and inhaled leather and metal. You opened them again and his eyes were blazing.

“James.. I”  

Bucky grabbed your face, hands gently cradling your head, and cut you off with a kiss, his lips gentle at first. Then his hands moved to your hips and lifted you onto the table. He slotted himself in between your thighs, your bodies separated by the same brand of black denim. 

His lips and tongue seemed determined to possess you. Bucky kissed and felt your body like he hadn’t in a lifetime. His hands roamed you like they were starved from touching you. 

Your hands were on his neck and in his hair, relishing the feel of him. You’d  missed him so fucking much. You drew apart, and his breath fanned your face as you two panted together, his forehead resting on yours.

“I am never going to let you go again.”

“James…”

“Hold on Doll, I’ve got to say this.” 

He smiled and gave you another quick peck.  You nodded, solemn.

“I said the wrong thing back in Brooklyn. I don’t care that you were with him first. I don’t care if you think that you might want to be with him. When I fell for you, I fell harder than I ever have. Even from the train.”  

He was whispering the words you wanted to hear months ago, causing you to cry.  But a lot of things caused you to cry lately. 

Bucky smiled at you, his eyes crinkling in that adorable way that you loved. You opened your mouth to speak and he kissed you, silencing you again. You responded with a smile. He continued.

“I know that you think that I folded and just gave up on you on our wedding day. I was just thinking that I don’t deserve you. Especially next to Steve.  I mean, you won’t find a better man.  But in the time since, I’ve realized, even though it’s hard. I’m a good man too.”

“You are, James…”

“You helped me come to terms with everything that’s happened. Sam has helped me deal with everything I did...and I’m not perfect, and neither are you, but we can be perfect for each other.”  

You nodded, smiling a little.

“I’m in love with you and I deserve you. You deserve me. We deserve each other.  And I’m not saying this because I think you saved me. But you are the strongest woman I know, enough to be with me when I am weak. I figured out that I can be strong for you too. I have to be now. I am so sorry that I let you walk away. But I’m not going to let you out of my sight now, even if you don’t want to be with me.  But I am asking you, again. Be my family. Make one with me. Choose me.”

You shook your head as tears fell from your eyes.

“James Barnes, there was never ever any choice. It’s you. It will be you. Forever.”

Bucky let out a sigh of relief and started kissing you all over your face, down your neck and into your cleavage.

“I was scared shitless, Doll! I love you so much,…”

You kissed him now, your hands under his jacket, slipping it off his shoulders. Next, you went under his shirt, feeling his nipples, playing with them as he shuddered. Then your hands went up to one cold shoulder and one warm, grasping them as he ground his hard jeans covered crotch into yours.

“Too many clothes.”

You ended up helping him pull his shirt over his head. You trailed your hand back down his abs to the button on his jeans.

“I missed you James. My hormones are going crazy, Baby…”  

His eyes got wide as you popped the top button and bit your lip.  Bucky moaned.  He was about to explode just being near you.

“Th-that’s what we need to talk about…”

“Talk later. Fuck. Now.”

Bucky looked over your shoulder to the other room. To his surprise, the door was now closed.

“Wow, they…”

You hopped down from the table and got on your knees in front of him.

“You gonna let me suck your dick or not James?”

He looked down at you smirking up at him and could feel himself leaking in his jeans.  Three months of his hand had been torture, thinking of you.  

It seemed as if he unfastened and pulled himself out without knowing.  For a moment he feared mind control. 

But it was just love and lust.

You grasped him, testing his girth and admiring how your fingers did not meet around his cock.  

“Mmmmmmmm,” you moaned while you thumbed his tip, collecting the pre-cum and lubricating him as you pumped.

He stared at you, slack jawed and sexy as he watched you.  He reached down and put his hand in your hair, massaging your scalp.

You commanded him. “Eyes on me, Sergeant.”

Bucky locked eyes with you and watched as you licked your lips, opened your mouth, and spit on his cock.

“Fuck.”

You pumped him a couple of times before you opened wide and took him as deep as you could, relishing the feel of his wide, smooth, hard unit in your mouth.  You pulled off of him with a pop.

“Damn I missed this dick.” 

Then you deep throated him again, making Bucky have to hold on to the side of the pool table as he held your head while you spluttered around him.

“And I missed your pretty little mouth, Doll. Damn.”  He watched as you did it a few more times.

When you looked up and  he saw your ruined face, Bucky went feral.

He pulled you up by your shirt, pulling it over your head and wiping your face with it.  Then he kissed you.

“Fucking love how you do that, Doll.”  

He started kissing down your chest, pulling your breasts out of your bra, pinching and rolling your nipples gently, a little more carefully than usual. He looked at you knowingly as you squirmed in pleasure.

“I’ve been doing my research.”  

Then, he leaned down and suckled them with that mouth until you almost came, writhing in his arms. Bucky unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down, kneeling, and staring up at you as you leaned against the green felt table.

You stepped out of your jeans and panties and watched as his flesh hand glided from your ankle to your ass, palming it and then sliding back down as he lifted your thigh on his shoulder.  You shuddered as you could feel his breath on your cunt.

“I’ve been dreaming of this.”  

His eyes held yours as he leaned in for a kiss, then a long wet lick of your cunt.  You grabbed his brown hair as his blue eyes hypnotized you and as he ate you out. When his metal fingers came up, whirring, you started begging.

“Please, James…please…please…..”

He laughed, mouth still fucking your pussy. He pulled away, chin glistening with your juices. His fingers began pumping inside you, the vibration driving you up the wall.

“Are you begging me to stop, or to continue, Doll? Talk to me.”

“Unnnh, unnnnh, oooohhh shittttt. Don’t ever stop.” 

And then you came all over his face,  Bucky slurping it up happily.  He stood up, taking you with him and maneuvering you so that you could feel his thick tip at your hole before it breached you. 

Bucky’s cock stretched you out and made you see stars as you slid down his thick pole while he was standing up, pumping inside you as he deposited you on the table.

You wrapped around him like a vine as he held you, cock pounding from the feeling of being inside you again. He pulled back to kiss you again.  He was grunting in his throat as he tried to speak.

“Fuck you feel so good...Fair warning, Doll. I’m not going to last. Been too long.”

You let go of him, and leaned back on the felt, arms braced behind you as you replied, “Just fuck me James.”

Bucky took in your body, from where you were connected up your torso to your breasts and the beautiful fucked out look on your face and started moving.

“Fuck, fuck, fuckkk.”  You took him, looking down to see the impossible stretch.

“Yeah, look at that. Looks and feels so damn good, doesn’t it, Doll? How the fuck are you so… so… fucking… tight….?”

“Yes, fuck, James, FUCKKKKK.”

All nerves were in your cunt as you went down to your elbows, and then to your back flat on the slate table, pool balls going everywhere.

Bucky pulled your hips off the table and really started digging in, hips snapping at a frenzied pace as his metal hand slid down your body. You could tell that he was almost there.

“Cum with me Doll.” 

When that metal thumb touched your clit, it was over.  You came as soon as you felt his white hot ropes of cum drench your walls. You closed your eyes for just a second, and then opened your eyes wide.

‘Why am I curled up on a pool table after being fucked by my 106 year old fiance? What is life?”

Bucky laughed as he pulled his shirt over his head and helped you off the table. He looked around, going to get you a bottle of water from the vending machine.

“You good?” 

Bucky eyed you as you got your clothes together.  He leaned next to you as he watched you drink the water.

“Baby okay?”

You ducked your head, smiled and grabbed his hand, putting it on your slightly rounded stomach.

“Yeah. I can feel him moving around.  Can you feel that?”  

Bucky just stared at his hand, then at your face.

“Not really… Him?”  He was astounded.

“That’s normal. I’m gonna be able to feel him before you can, And yeah, Him.”  

You turned more fully toward Bucky and he took you in his arms.  

“I had all kinds of tests, to make sure that he was okay.  I wanted to know if… if what they did to me would affect…. “ 

You shook your head, then smiled up at Bucky.

“He’s healthy.  I’m 20 weeks. I figured we’d call him Jamie?”  

Bucky beamed at you and nodded. 

“How did you know?”

“Well, I figured out that you didn’t faint at the wedding just because of Steve. Why didn’t you tell me, Doll?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Are you really asking me that question?”  

Bucky blanched and you decided not to be salty. 

“Well, At first, I didn’t want you to feel trapped. I was so happy that you asked me and didn’t know.”  You beamed at him. “ But then…” Your smile faded.

“I’m an idiot, Doll. Forgive me.  It’s me and you. And Jamie. Forever.”  

You two shared the kiss you missed at the altar. It was going to be okay.

“Now, let’s go get some food. I know you’re hungry.”

You laughed as you punched his arm. 

“Ass. But you’re right.” 

You two walked down the street to Ninfa’s Restaurant hand in hand. Bucky turned his head and gave an imperceptible nod as you two passed by an alley/

Steve returned the greeting as he stepped out and watched you and Bucky make your way down the street.

“That’s okay Sweetheart,” he whispered. “Buck’s a good man. But I know you’ll choose me. In another time.”

He walked to the quinjet, which was pointed toward New York.

-------

Did Reader make the right choice? What do you think about the surprise?And what the what is Steve thinking? Let me know if you liked it by commenting or reblogging!

Tagging:

@olyvoyl @summerofsnowflakes @sillyteecup @riiyy @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @theselilwonders @lonelydance @chattykathysquietsister @anh1020 @nissameta1782 @afriendlyblackhottie @betterkeepmewetterthanabayou @jbrizzywrites @stilltoyou  @donutloverxo @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @kiwisa @food8me @aiikaa @marvelfansworld  @london-grunge @pheebsyells @thesecretlifeofdaydreams-bl-blog @douxtille @ximaginexx @fofisstilinski @bertieandberries @ladystrawberry @bit-of-a-timelord @chesca-791 @calimoi @fangirlfree @bbaengtan @karolsboo @aliceforbes @insertpithyusername @sickknik @photmath @whorekneebrain  @anacrcarvalho @iconicshit @spicybibimbap @fineanddandy @olyvoyl @chaoticsteverogers@txtsfromyourex @sadthotsonlylove @ikatieebabyy@nerdymugsharkempath @maroonsunrise83 @curlyhairclub @spookyparadisesheep @keepingitlokiii​ @weaselbeedisneygeek @toofab4utheatrediva

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret

Chapter 6

Summary- Has Karma finally caught up to you?

Word count- 2.1K

Pairing- Chris Hems x You x Liam Hems

Warnings- Smut, cheating, swearing

18+only

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 21st July 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings

The Destructive Secret Masterlist <<<

He turns on his side, looking at you, his leg wrapping around yours. Holding you close, afraid to let you go.

"I want to be able to take you out and show you off, instead of hiding away in hotels rooms. I want everyone to know you're mine, not Liam's." 

You struggled to sleep that night, tossing and turning while Chris slept like a baby next to you. You couldn't stop thinking about the many possible outcomes of your secret being out in the open, while you knew it was going to have to happen sooner rather than later, there would be no way you could avoid the utter turmoil that would follow. You couldn't think of one possible outcome that wouldn't cause complete destruction for everyone involved which understandably left you feeling completely anxious.

Your phone buzzing on the bedside table, roused you from the light sleep you'd finally managed to fall into. Tiredness washed over you like a thick lead, your eyes heavy and blurred as you blinked at the screen of the phone and realised you hadn't called Liam like you said you would.

You answered the phone quiety, getting up to go into the bathroom, your usual tactic of running the water while you spoke but this time hiding your voice from Chris not Liam.

"Hi babe." You whispered. Stepping over the piles of clothes scattered across the room, glancing over your shoulder to make sure Chris was still sleeping.

"Why are you whispering?" Fuck.

"Sorry I've just woken up." You said in your normal tone, whincing at how loud your voice sounded in the peaceful room. Cringing even more when Chris woke from his sleep, his eyes opening, sitting up and spotting you across the room. Realisation flashed before his eyes as you put your fingers to your lips, gesturing for him to be quiet, cursing yourself for not making it to the bathroom in time.

"Sorry, you're usually awake at this time. I just phoned to make sure you were ok, you didn't call last night." Liam says.

"I know sorry, I was shattered and fell asleep more or less as soon as I laid down. I didn't sleep well though. How are you?" You turned your back on Chris, not being able to stand the faces he was pulling.

"Aww you never sleep well in hotels do you? I remember that trip to New York, we didn't sleep all night." 

"Yeah I remember although that was for different reasons." You could hear Chris stirring behind you, getting out of bed.

"That's true, we need a trip like that again soon, where we spend the whole weekend in bed." He laughed, you rolled your eyes at the irony, little did he know that's exactly what you were doing at that moment in time. Chris confirming it when he slid up behind you, his naked warmth pressing against you, the heat of his morning glory resting against the swell of your ass. 

"Yes we do, anyway I'm going to have to go I'm going to be late for this conference." You could hardly concentrate as Chris began planting feathery kisses all across your shoulders.

"Ok babe, I'll speak to you after. Love you." Liam says.

"Love you too." Chris pulled a disgusted face at you, his expression contorting his handsome face, before taking your phone from your hand, ending the call and discarding it on to the bed.

"Who do you love?" Chris asked needily, his breath heavy in your ear while he pushed your knees apart so his hand could slip in between, stroking your wetness with the pads of his fingers.

"You." You sigh as his thumb meets your clit, circling slowly. 

"Good girl. Now back to bed, i intend to make the most of our last full day together for a while." He slaps your ass as you move to the bed, squeeling as you fall down on to it.

He falls down next to you, making you squeel again when the bed bounces you up and then his hands are all over you. Gripping and squeezing all your curves while his lips attach to your fever hot skin.

You lift yourself onto him, straddling him, your wetness soaking his thighs.

"Sit on my face." He says excitedly, his face lighting up at the prospect.

You move to hover over his face, while his tongue reaches out to lick smoothly up your folds, flicking against your clit and making you moan with pleasure.

"When I said sit on my face I meant literally clasp your thighs around my head and smother me with that perfect fucking pussy."

You whine at his words, grinding yourself against the roughness of his beard. Leaning forward to hold the headboard as Chris's tongue dips into your opening, swirling around, his nose adding friction to your swollen clit. He groans against you, the vibration sending you to the edge as you lean back, your hands resting on Chris's hips, your thighs clasped tightly around his face. From this position you can see him perfectly, his expression locked with lust as he eats your pussy so good. Your legs shake as the gripping rises through you, tingles throughout your body as you come so hard on his tongue.

A hum of approval from Chris as he laps up your juices, smiling triumphantly while you pant, biting your bottom lip, your legs still trembling. You roll over next to Chris, cramp seizing up your muscles due to the intensity of your orgasm.

"Fuck Chris, you're too good at that." You pant, laying on your back in the middle of the bed, Chris lying beside you his hand gently tickling your arm.

"Fucking too right, I'd eat your pussy every day if I could." 

"Well if that isn't a reason to tell Liam, I don't know what is." You laugh, turning to face Chris. Hunger still flaring in his eyes.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He says while squeezing your thigh. "Shower? I've got unfinished business to attend to." Tipping his head towards his straining erection.

You'd barely made it to the shower before he's already bending you over, muttering in your ear about how hot you are. One hand cupping the nape of your neck, the other gripping onto your hips as he shoves his dick deep inside your tight walls.

Your hands slipping down the wall of the slick shower, trying to find something to cling on to while he relentlessly pounds into you from behind. His thighs slapping against your ass, the sound of skin connecting echoing around the tiled room.

Watching his cock dipping in and out of your greedy cunt, mesmerizes him, his thumbs digging into your cheeks as he pulls them apart for a better view.

He groans when you tighten around him, your muscles gripping against him as the sensations travel through your body like fire. Your head dizzy, full of only pleasure as you gush around him. His hand smooths up your back, tangling around your hair as his thrusts get sloppy, smashing against you with a grunt. Satisfaction washing over you both as he finishes with one last thrust.

"You're a machine. Fuck.". You pant, resting against the cold tiles.

"I aim to please." He stands under the water, washing himself. You're hypnotised watching the water drip down his body, drops resting on the ridges of his toned stomach.

He looks down at you, his hands smoothing through his wet hair, his mouth slightly open as the water runs off of his face. Proud of the way your legs are still like jelly, that just fucked look still painting your face.

"Shall I order room service? I've definitely worked up a appetite after that." 

"I'm gunna wash my hair and then I'll join you. Order some pancakes." You slapped Chris on his taunt ass as he stepped out the shower, winking at him as he turned around with a faked shocked face before leaning in to kiss you.

"Anything for you."

You took your time washing your hair, enjoying the bliss of silent thoughts. Finally lost in the moment and enjoying your time with Chris without having to think about all the other things. This is how it should be all the time, easy, nothing to worry about, this is how you wish it would be.

You wrapped a towel around you, the steam in the room making you lightheaded. Holding on to the sink to steady yourself, you caught your reflection in the mirror. You studied your face, noticing how the stress had started to age you, little lines by your eyes that weren't there before. 

The thought played in your mind as you left the bedroom, freezing in shock when you realised you weren't alone.

Talk about bad timing, you'd walked out of the bathroom at the same time room service was delivered. The tall, dark hotel worker still stood in the doorway as Chris closed the door behind him. You saw his eyes light up when he saw you, recognition flash through his eyes when he saw your shocked expression. He knew exactly who you were and exactly what you were doing here, half naked in Chris's room. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Chris, what the fuck? You could've warned me not to come out." 

"I shouted through to you, did you not hear? Relax, he won't say anything. It's company policy." 

"Fuck. Do you think he cares about fucking company policy with the measly rate of pay he gets?" You start to panic, of all the things to go wrong this was probably the worst. You couldn't help thinking it was karma getting its own back, finally catching up to you.

"We'll be fine, he probably didn't even recognise you." Chris was calm, nonchalant as usual.

"He definitely did, didn't you see the look on his face?" You saw the look in his eye and knew what it meant.

"You're paranoid. Relax, we're fine." He pulls you into his arms, his hands travelling up your towel. "Do we need this?" He pulls away your towel with a frown.

"Chris how are you so calm?" You stand up, pacing the floor in front of him.

"Damn, you look sexy as fuck when you're angry." He sits back on the bed, admiring you as you glare at him then holding his hands up in defeat. "Ok, ok but would it be so bad if we were found out?" 

"Yes. Yeah it fucking would. I don't want Liam finding out like that and why would you?" 

"I'm at the point where I don't care how he finds out as long as he does, I just want this everyday. You. I can't stand giving you up again after this weekend and having to wait weeks to have you back." 

"Yeah I know but not like this Chris. You need to go track him down and give him some money or something. Please." You plead, tears prickling your eyes.

"Fine, told you I'd do anything for you and I meant it but can we eat first?" He raised his eyebrow, patting the bed next to him.

***************

"Hi it's Mr Hemsworth in the penthouse suite, is it possible for you to send the guy who just delivered our... I mean, my room service, back up to my room please." Chris said, on the phone to front desk.

"Of course, is everything ok with your food Sir?"

"Yes fine, I just forgot to tip him." He rolled his eyes at you.

"No problem, I'll send him up for you now Sir." She laughed.

"She's sending him up." Chris said to you, putting down the phone and sighing.

"Shall I hide?" You ask, unsure what to do in this situation.

"Well yeah, he might not've seen you in the first place." 

"He did." You say over your shoulder, already making your way to the bathroom.

You stand by the door, it open a little so you can hear them talking. Your heart beating fast as you waited patiently, leaning against the wall with your ear to the crack in the door when you hear a knock and Chris's heavy footsteps going to answer it.

"Hi, I forgot to tip you earlier. Let me just get it for you, come in." Chris says.

"Oh it's fine Sir, you don't have to tip me." 

You peeked your eyes through the crack in the door, spying the guy stood awkwardly by the door while Chris went through his wallet.

"I hope you will respect my privacy and I can rely on your discretion?" Chris said while handing the guy a huge wad of cash, looking like he was making some kind of dodgy deal.

"I'm not sure what you mean Sir but thank you." 

"I think you do." Chris glared at him, his face expressionless making the guy uncomfortable, looking at his feet.

The guy turned to leave before looking back over his shoulder at the door, his hand on the door handle.

"If it makes any difference I would choose you over your brother any day." He winked as he left the room.

[chronotopes]

2022 is nearly over. time for 2021 personal writing wrapped

(2020) (2019)

salvaging this post for drafts because i don’t wanna miss a year and i have important professional reasons to be ruminating on theme’s and such in my writing

poetry: 

“dancing balls of yellow light”, february. emotional breakdown poetry that i had literally no memory of writing until i decided to scour my notes app. #girl

“The sonnet holds a self-destructive place...”, march-ish. I was in the last gasps of a three-year Really Stupid About Something Phase, and wrote a super groundbreaking and original meditation on petrarchism after discussing him in class. I’ve written better things, and also worse things.

“London”, August. In the summer of 2019, I made a call that every time I or someone I cared about was on an airplane I’d write a poem titled after my/their destination. Plane poetry is for hacks but only if they publish it.

“Philadelphia”, December. See above.

Four completed pieces in total.

fanfiction

CHOICELESS HOPE, January-March. A fucking ILLUSTRATED FANADVENTURE about postacanon terezi pyrope, predictably unfinished. Was anxious about starting this one because I was afraid of not finishing it. Then I didn’t finish it, and nobody died.

“the truth must dazzle gradually (or every man be blind),” May. Kanaya & Terezi relationship study. Underrated.

“When the open road is closing in,” (published in the dirkjake zine). Flash fiction hastily brainstormed on a trip to the outer banks; postcanon jake and brain ghost dirk have a talk about the modernist crisis of representation, because, like, of course they do.

“In other words, please be true,” December. - Sequel to a dirkjake space au written for dirkjake week 2022. 

Three completed pieces in total.

AL2RNIA, which is kind of fanfiction and kind of origfic, i guess

AIVIDE THE PREQUEL, the whole damn year. The monster. All-drafted, half-published, not-to-be-completed-in-the-foreseeable-future. Anyway, this is a novel about a girl who hates college and sucks at lesbian dating.

the aivide epilogues, sequel to aivide the prequel. very, very unfinished. a novel about a girl who was looking for a job. and then she found a job. and heaven knows she’s miserable now.

Heartbreaking! The Two Worst Women You’ve Ever Met Have A First Encounter - fun little vignette that was meant to be the intro to the aivide epilogues, in which aivide’s evil mom and vinbre’s even eviler mom meet for the first time

A bunch of character-buildy exercises from a guy with a ~Hyper Fixation?!~, including aivide’s disco elysium skills and her thoughts on the cast

Two complete pieces in total.

ACTUAL ORIGFIC (FOR MY SINS, I TOOK A FICTION CLASS)

“cass & laura, nashville pride,” february. psychological realism assignment that started out being called “one semi-final hour in nashville, tennessee.” a secret about me is that i am not good about writing psychological realist literary fiction, meaning that this is just a creative nonfiction piece with enough names, details, and places changed to make that plausibly deniable.

“Two Stories.”, February. Fairy-tale assignment for the same class. Frankly, the most competent piece of fiction I have written as an adult without cribbing from either a fictional property or my real life. Plays around with fairy tales and why we tell them. Confused my fellow participants in a very shitty three-person Zoom workshop.

“HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE: Or, a Smart Girl’s Guide To Persistent Boys.”, March. Lol. Another one that i always forget is not a nonfiction essay because i wrote it as what is basically a nonfiction essay. My professor, god bless him, astutely pointed out that it was, in fact, gender horror.

“The Saviors of the Galaxy! (And all that happened after.)”, April. Science fiction assignment. Introduction to what, scope-wise, is much more of a science fiction novella than a story. Pretty good; my professor was impressed, at least. What he didn’t know: the protagonists were based on June and Rose Homestuck.

Three complete pieces in total.

NONFICTION (2021 was my nonfiction flop era. huge L.)

“In another world, you die at eighty,” May. Lyric essay written the day of my friend’s funeral. (The world wasn’t this one!)

“Where Light Doesn’t Die,” April. Hypertext memoir about my trip to St. Petersburg; a more grown-up version of “Four Russias,” which I wrote in 2020.

“What Ceremony Else?”, November. Lyric essay written like six months after my friend’s funeral. About ghost tours and such.

Three complete pieces in total.

FINAL ROUNDUP CALLS

Works i was most excited about writing: AIVIDE THE PREQUEL and all of the other al2rnia writing

Work i am most impressed with in hindsight: “Where Light Doesn’t Die,” honestly the fairy tale and science fiction assignments, “In another world, you die at eighty.”

Work that could feasibly help me on an mfa application: “What Ceremony Else” if i changed just about everything about it (lol)

[instantelephantmix]

How weird cat books shaped my life: a personal Warriors essay

I think we all have something we got into at a young age and we're still a fan of today. Sometimes that thing is way, way more important than you even realise.

When I was a young child, I had pretty stereotypical interests - I liked doodling, watching cartoons, and reading books about animals. I always did like animals a lot, especially cats, I was always living with at least one cat while growing up. The first two I remember were Moët, he was fluffy and timid and ginger-and-white, and Hemingway, or more commonly called Hemmy as nobody wants to shout "Hemingway" up the street when they want their cat to come home.

Above: Hemmy looking dumb.

When I was around 7, I was taking a look around the children's section of my local library and saw something I'd noticed my older sister reading recently. Warrior Cats: Into the Wild. I just wanted it because I liked the cover and I liked cats, and my parents allowed me to take it despite it being rated 9+. I think that, if they'd been stricter, I might have been an entirely different person - who knows though? I just know that those Warriors books hugely impacted my interests and hobbies.

I started reading and god, I was obsessed. There was something about the culture and history of these fictional wild cats that was so intriguing to me, but still simple enough for my young mind to digest. Being a homeschool kid who hadn't fully accessed the internet yet, I had no friends at all, so my family had to look at all my terrible drawings of fighting cats and endure me talking about them.

Below: a bad drawing of Sol from long, long ago. He has a giraffe neck.

There was something I always wanted though: a Warriors TV show or a movie. Ten years later we still don't have that, despite all the talk of a movie being in production. Where the hell did that go? But luckily, fans of the books had started making their own adaptations. Enter the late 2000s and early 2010s, the time of SSS Warrior Cats - an animated Youtube series based on the first book. I asked my mum if I could watch it and she allowed me to, opening up the door to a whole new portion of the internet.

Gone were the days of playing Flash games on the Cbeebies website, I had youtube! This was a massive inspiration to me, I decided I wanted to be an animator. Obviously I wasn't as skilled as the SSS team, I still don't think I am - but I tried.

Above: a run cycle animation from around 2015. My older animations are all sadly lost to time, the program I made them on was discontinued so I have no way of opening my old files.

Below: a new run cycle, 2021.

But over time, each member of the SSS team quit, and the channel became a wasteland with the series left unfinished. What was I to watch? How would I satisfy my desire for edgy animated cats? That was when I found Dimstar's Past, a series based on Warriors OCs, which also inspired me a lot. I think the creator turned out to be homophobic, which is a massive shame - but "separate the art from the artist", as they say.

I'd now seen these OCs, and I'd seen my sister writing stories about characters she liked, so what if I were to create my own Warriors and tell their story? While I'd written a few short, low-quality stories in the past, as most kids do, I think Warriors fully inspired me to write. I created "Rootstar's Past", a complete and obvious rip-off of Dimstar - but the story still exists in my mind, albeit very altered since then. I never even finished the first version. As I learned and became a better storyteller, I created better characters and more thought-out stories. Eventually I moved on from cats and wrote about more "human" characters - a lot of the time they aren't actually human, but they act like it.

Above: Rootstar's 2013 design, and his 2020 redesign.

Warriors also got me into roleplay, through playing Roblox and exploring forums, which further developed my writing and "impulsive storytelling" skills. I really miss the old Warriors Roblox games, like Lake Territory - morphs and maps may be better these days, but they don't hold the same charm at all. (For those who don't play Roblox - a morph is an object that the player can take the appearance of, though a button or GUI, to create looks that wouldn't be possible with the regular avatar editor.)

Above: Forest Territory, an old Roblox game. Notice the very cylindrical morphs that I still love.

I remember how I met my first real friend through Warriors roleplay. She was older than me, I was only around 9 when she was 16, but we got on surprisingly well. Me and my sister have the same 7-year age gap, so I was used to it. We shared other interests too; Five Nights at Freddy's, Undertale, and later Harry Potter. Sadly she was banned from Roblox and I never saw her again. I hope she's okay, whatever she's doing nowadays. I fondly remember our extremely angst-ridden characters - poor Soul, she could never get a break.

I made so many memories in those games. Playing in "Fan Clans" with magical powers, laughing at newbies who'd never read the books (don't get me wrong, I wasn't a rude person, but I was badly influenced by those who were), making the most complex morphs possible, creating cat romances, making drama... I want something like that again, but unfortunately roleplays don't seem to have any heart to them these days. Or maybe I'm the one who's changed? I don't know for sure.

There's one more interest that Warriors brought to me, although it's a very childish one. I won't go into too much detail because of that, I don't think anyone will care that much, but it does belong in this post.

As well as animation, there was another thing I saw people making short films and series with - Littlest Pet Shop toys, those stylised animal figures that Hasbro makes. They're not everyone's cup of tea, but I have to admit I fell for them and ended up collecting them. With the cats I made several Warriors fanseries and posted them on my mum's youtube channel, where they remain to this day. They're all unlisted or privated though, and I don't plan to show them to anyone, they were genuinely terrible. Maybe if I'm very drunk one day, or I don't care about my reputation, or someone pays me for it.

Below: my Littlest Pet Shop cats.

These days, Warriors doesn't hold quite as much significance in my everyday life. It still means a lot to me though - I like learning about the new characters, making my own, and doing art and animation for the community. It was my first fandom, and still my most consistent. I imagine its importance to me will only decline over time as I grow up and find new interests, but who knows? Maybe it'll stay with me forever.

Warriors probably made me into a furry, at least indirectly. I can never forgive it for that.

So what else am I doing? What fandoms am I in? I like Doctor Who, vampires, and I'm studying Digital Media in college, if that's of any interest to anyone. I still play Roblox and collect LPS, and I animate (very slowly).

Oh, and it's my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I'm 17 now.

[retvenkos]

amends pt. 3 // ricky bowen

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series - Slow Burn Ricky Bowen x Stage Manager!Reader Fic. Summary: That’s asking a lot of the theatre gods. Then again, it does include a lot of drama, so maybe it might just work out. pt. 1 // pt. 2 // pt. 3 // pt. 4 // pt. 5 // pt. 6 // pt. 7 // pt. 8 // pt. 8.5-ish // pt. 9 //  unfinished

Things to note for later productions: Carlos can do every dance imaginable, he just can’t dribble a basketball. Don’t be present when he is choreographing basketball scenes - you will become his demonstrator, no matter your skill level. EJ, on the other hand, can dribble and sing, he just can’t seem to combine that with convincing acting. Meanwhile, Ricky can, indeed, play basketball (information that you didn’t know you needed), but he doesn’t seem capable of acting the part of a true leader while doing so.

“Okay, that was a good effort, guys. Continue practicing, because tomorrow's rehearsal is the blindfold test! If you double dribble during your pirouette you’ll will be offbeat for the rest of the dance.” Carlos looked meaningfully into each actor's eyes. Intimidation wafted off of them in waves. Ah, how you loved early rehearsals. They were always so good before everyone developed a superiority complex.

“Hey, (Y/n)?” Natalie’s voice came on in your headset. “Miss Jen wants everyone to meet her in the bomb shelter. She says we’re ‘uncovering a relic for success.’ Any thoughts on what that means?”

You tipped your head to the side, thinking... “Nope. But, uh, I’ll get everyone. Thanks, Nat.” You headed over to Carlos, who was trying to make sure everyone put the basketballs away. “Hey, guys? Miss Jenn wants everyone to go to the bomb shelter. It’s important.”

“I’ll go get the people in the choir room,” Carlos said. You raised an eyebrow at him as he practically skipped out of the room.

to: dance boi (2:46 p.m.) are you trying to be helpful? or just see seb?

(2:46 p.m.) who says i can’t do both?

You laughed as Carlos texted you a winky emoji. Oh, if only you could have half the confidence he exudes. Imagine the possibilities!

from: dance boi (2:49 p.m.) nini and ashlyn are missing. miss jen needs me tho,,, can you find them?

(2:49 p.m.) kill me now.

You sighed. Of course, two leads are missing in action, and you have the whole school to look through - the wider Salt Lake Region if one of them has a car. You looked up and found Ricky texting by the props. Can you initiate a conversation with him? Sure, you have officially breached the gap and were a ‘friendly acquaintance’ with Ricky - scientifically, at least. But you had never actually engaged him in conversation outside of ‘do you know how to do question 27?’ (and he always did, of course). Deep breaths, (Y/n), you can do this...

“Hey, uh, Ricky?” He looked up from his phone, a little startled. You inwardly cringed at that. Way to go, (Y/n), scaring the boy will definitely win his favor. “I hate to bother you, but Ashlyn and Nini are out in the school somewhere. Can you help me find them?”

“Oh,” he cleared his throat and nodded, “Yeah. I can look down here if you want to go upstairs.” You flashed a grateful and started to head to the exit. OMG, you did it. Sure, you didn’t say more than a few sentences, but it happened and-- “Hey, (Y/n)?”

You spun around quickly. “Yeah?”

“Can I get your phone number?” You felt your eyes grow twice their size. “Just so that I can text you if I find them,” Ricky quickly corrected. “So you don’t have to keep looking?”

“Right!” You let out a breathy laugh as you went over to him. You exchanged phones and put your number in his. “Text me if you find them.”

“‘Course.”

...

new text from ricky

You stared at the lock screen of your phone, your feet rooted to the spot where you stood. The notification that had popped up no more than fifteen seconds ago taunted you silently. You could feel yourself start to sweat. 

Why was Ricky texting you? This was certainly a new development - one that you were not against one bit. Sure, you had exchanged numbers last Friday, but never in your wildest dreams did you think that he would text you after that first text (of which you had analyzed in every way).

from: ricky (12:04 p.m.) hey, (y/n). can you help me go over my lines in the library? (12:04 p.m.) only if you have this lunch. don’t worry about it if you don’t.

Your heart leapt in your chest. Meet him at lunch? That doesn’t meet anything... right?

to: ricky (12:05 p.m.) i’ll meet you there in ten.

You rushed out of your English class and made it to the library in record timing. Then you browsed through the fiction section for a few minutes so that you wouldn’t look like you got there too early when he showed up. You ran your fingers along the spines of different books as you thought of the last few rehearsals.

The tension between Ricky and Nini was lessening every day, which was good for the overall show, but this obviously made EJ paranoid, as he seemed to be constantly sizing up Ricky. It almost made you laugh, thinking about it. EJ, a senior that is generally thought of the be the school’s heartthrob is jealous of boy-next-door Ricky Bowen. They were on opposite ends of the same spectrum. And Nini? She was on a completely different plane. You almost wondered how she ever met Ricky and EJ in the first place.

You snapped back to the present as you saw Ricky pass you, headphones in, his head bobbing up and down to the music. He was mouthing the words to it, and if you were correct in your guess, he was listening to ‘Start of Something New.’ Miss Jen would be proud. You sure were.

After a moment you walked over to where he was sitting down, his script out in front of him, writing all over the margins. He was rooting for something in his backpack, but when you sat down he looked up at you. “Hey. Thanks for meeting with me.”

“Of course. Anytime.” You pulled your script out of your bag as he found a pencil. “What scene do you want to go over?”

“You mean besides all of it?” You both laughed and you cherished every moment of it. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to memorize every single word of this.” He flicked through every page, shaking his head.

“It won’t be too bad - trust me. It’s just a lot of practice.” You smiled at him reassuringly. “And,” you continued, “If you have good castmates, you can kind of know where the conversation is going based off of their emotions.”

“If that’s the case, then I must have missed the part where Gabriella is trying to break up with Troy in every scene.” Ricky’s voice was low as he spoke, His eyes clouded over with emotion as he stared past you. You turned and saw Nini and EJ kissing each other in historical fiction. 

Oh, no. How do you approach this one? “Are you okay, Ricky?”

He blinks a few times and swallows. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. “That was our spot.”

A beat. Silence. “...I’m sorry.”

“No,” Ricky cleared his throat and looked at you, his eyes glassy, “I am. Can we go over where Troy is confronted by Chad?”

...

Theatre 4 with Miss Jen was always a curveball. No matter what you expected, you were always given something very, very different. You loved it that way, to be honest. It kept everyone on their toes. Last week you had been reciting Shakespeare while stage fighting. Miss Jen said it was easier to understand the ‘linguistic beauty’ that Shakespeare possessed when you were fake punching your partner. She was right, to be honest, but how she knew that was beyond you. So when she told you to get the fake ferns from the prop closet in the auditorium, it didn’t phase you.

What made you stop in your tracks when you got there, however, was Mr. Mazzara, hunched over an old High School Musical Poster, his phone in hand. When he noticed your presence he snapped to attention, quickly slipping his phone into his pocket. “What class do you have right now, miss?”

“Theatre. I’m getting a prop for Miss Jen.”

“Oh. Well, then, hurry.” You grabbed the fern and placed it between the two of you, a buffer from his evil, math powers. “And tell Miss Jen that she has a prep period right after lunch where she should be getting her own props, not having her students do it.”

You nodded and he walked past you. You looked around the prop closet to see if anything was missing, but everything seemed to be in order. How weird. Mr. Mazzara had never taken an interest in theatre before - in fact, you were certain he hated it. But he had been around more recently, hadn’t he? And then his words rang in your ears, ‘she has a prep period right after lunch.’ How would he know that? You were very sure that a teacher’s schedules were somewhat private. And Miss Jen hasn’t been teaching for long, it’s not like they could have bumped into each other enough for him to have noticed... unless...

You cringed. 

Were Mr. Mazzara and Miss Jen seeing each other?

----- taglist:

@snowman-spidey​, @dinsey-chanel​

[fixxofvixx]

Stay With Me - Demon Leo AU - Chapter 23

Hello my lovelies! I know it's been forever since I updated! I blame Final Fantasy VII Remake. It took my soul and never gave it back. I beat the game but I keep playing it. It has a special place in my heart.

Anyway, you didn't come here to see me rambling about my love for fictional sexy game heroes lol. I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think! 💚💚

😈😈😈😈😈

Your lungs burned with every new step you took. Thanks to Leo, you had a basic knowledge of the layout of the forest and which path to take to hide. You could hear the men behind you, calling out for you to show yourself.

*Y/N, we need to find a place to hide.* The lynx had no problem keeping pace with you. You dove behind a large tree to catch your breath for a moment.

*I...I-I don't know where....* The tears in your eyes made it hard to see the path before you. You had no idea who these men were and how they got into Leo's house when you knew it was warded from intruders. Sibena placed herself in front of you and snapped at you.

*Y/N! Get your act together! If you hesitate, we die. My master didn't give you his soul for you to throw it away. Now, move!" Sibena snapped at your arm hanging at your side and it caused you to shake out of the haze of fear you were in. With a deep breath, you took off into the woods again. You wanted to seek protection with the animals in the forest but considering those men looked like hunters, you didn't want any of them to get hurt. You would have to take care of this on your own. At least....until Leo returned.

You frantically looked around for a place to hide. You eventually came to the large meadow where you had found Leo after Hakyeon had taken him. The large tree was still standing there. For some reason, you ran towards it, hoping to possibly climb it to get away from the three. The meadow put you out in the open however but there was nowhere else to go. As soon as you took off into the meadow, one of the men shouted.

"She's there!" You heard their heavy footsteps behind you and your heart pounded in your chest. Something suddenly whizzed by you and then you noticed the pain in your arm. Looking down, you saw a gash on your arm, the fabric of your sleeve had been cut as well. Blood slowly seeped from the wound.

You ignored the pain as you reached for the first branch of the tree. Dejavu flashed in your head to when you'd done the same looking for Leo. You hoped he would be back soon and help you. Sibena easily launched herself into the tree beside you. Your arm was in agonizing pain now and you wondered if what they had thrown at you was poisoned.

"Aw, come on down, sweetie, we just want to talk." The largest of the three sauntered up to the tree and smiled up at you. He seemed to be the leader of the group.

"Like hell you do. We can talk from here. What do you want?" Your voice shook from the pain and fear coursing through your body.

"Where's your demon?"

"Why do you want to know?" You eyed the other two men as they slowly circled the tree on either side.

"We have some......unfinished business with him. Surely, he's told you about us?"

"No...and how did you get in the house? It's warded from outsiders."

"Well, that's easy. We were already in the house. We've been there for years. You've seen us too."

Confusion set into your features.

"I'm pretty sure I would have noticed three men walking around the house. Try again."

"You're not thinking hard enough. You've even held us in your hands, fleeting as it was. But it was nonetheless exciting! Think, woman!"

You thought over and over and finally it dawned on you.

"Oh my god, the statue!?" Your answer was almost a whisper, afraid to really say it outloud.

"Bingo. Although, we could never hear your voice, we've seen you many times. Shacked up with that wretched demon of yours, letting him touch you. What sins you must have committed! We assumed you were his captive at first but...well, we know now exactly what you are. We would offer to help you but I fear that might be in vain."

"Help me with what?" The other two were on the left and right of you now. They waited patiently on the ground, anticipating their leaders command to come after you.

"Get rid of the demon, of course! Didn't he tell you what we are?" You shook your head and the man laughed. "Demon hunters, my dear, we kill his kind."

Your heart lurched at the thought of these men hunting down Leo. But then realized that they had been trapped in that statue. You smirked at them, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Well, I'm guessing you aren't very good at it, since he trapped you in that statue."

"Not until after we killed his brothers. The demon king created six sons. There are only four now. The more we kill of the hierarchy, the less demons they can create."

You gasped and looked at Sibena.

*It's true. I wasn't aware of how they died but I do know my master mentioned that they were dead.*

Sorrow filled your heart for the loss of Leo's brothers. That sorrow was quickly replaced by anger. These men took Leo's family from him. You knew what that felt like.

"You bastards....."

"Aww, are you angry that you can't have more demons all over you. You smell of him, you know. You are a disgrace to the human race!"

"What the hell have they ever done to you?! If you want to hunt, do it to provide for families who are hungry. Why would you hunt other people?!"

"These.....things.....aren't people, sweetheart. They're a blight on the planet! They shouldn't exist!"

"Well, maybe they think the same about you! So what if they are different? Just because they don't look or live the same way as you, doesn't mean they are less than you!" Once you finished your sentence, you heard movement behind you. You looked around and screamed at one of the hunters who had snuck up on you when you were talking.

He made a grab for you but you were able to dodge it. He let out a growl in anger and you saw that some of his teeth were filed down to sharp points. His hair was long and greasy. Knives and other various weapons clinked around his waist. You moved quickly to the right and hauled yourself up onto the next branch. You could hear them close behind you. You heard Sibena hiss just before the third man howled in pain.

"You damn mangy cat! I'll kill you too!"

*Why does everyone call me MANGY?!?!* You heard Sibena scream in your head and then she lunged at the man, causing him to topple off of the tree along with her.

You quickly climbed higher and higher, desperate to get away from the man that was chasing you. You were almost to the top of the tree now, your fear of heights taking a back seat to the new fear chasing you. You finally ran out of branches and you turned to see the man just below you. You were sweating so much and your lungs hurt from the climbing.

For once, you wished you had wings like Leo to take you away from there. You didn't want to be the weak human anymore.

"I-I'm not a demon so why are you trying to kill me?!" Tears formed in your eyes. You wanted Leo. You wanted his protective arms around you.

"Being a demon's whore is just as bad as being a demon!" The man reached up and grabbed the branch causing it to shake. You tried to keep your balance but he was shaking the branch too hard. He then raised both of his arms and pulled violently on the branch. The wood cracked and you immediately started to fall. You hit the next branch down and landed on your stomach. The force knocked the wind from your lungs. You cried out in pain as the man grabbed your hair and pulled you up.

"What do you wanna do, boss?" The man holding you yelled down to the man on the ground. You couldn't see Sibena or the third man anywhere.

"Just throw her off. Leo will show up eventually and find her. While he's distracted mourning the loss of his plaything, we'll take him out!"

"Well, you heard the man." He didn't hesitate as he pushed you off the branch. You screamed, hitting various twigs and branches on the way down. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see the ground coming towards you. You would have to apologize to Hakyeon when you got to the Underworld. Perhaps he could take his soul back. Leo would take care of Sibena most likely.

After a few seconds, nothing happened. You cracked your eye open and then both eyes opened wide. You were floating in mid air. You looked all around you and noticed the leader of the hunters looked frozen in fear and confusion. You could see a mist forming around you....or maybe it was smoke. Actually......

It looked a lot like demon smoke. But it wasn't Leo's color. It was difficult to tell completely but there seemed to be two different colors. It almost looked like a beautiful coral and emerald swirling together. If this was from a demon, it was one you'd never met before.

You looked down at the hunters again. The man who had pushed you off had joined the leader now. They started to run but a massive stone wall appeared around the meadow. The orb that you were stuck in floated slowly to the ground. Once you were on the ground again, the orb changed shape. Chains of smoke formed tightly around your wrists that attached themselves to two long pillars on either side of you.

"What the hell is this?! What are you doing?!" The leader yelled at you as he ran towards you.

"Does it look like I'm doing this, you moron? Why would I chain myself to two pillars in the middle of a meadow?!"

"She's right, it isn't her." A woman's voice came from above you and you raised your head to see an older woman in a black dress. The cloak she wore matched the chains of smoke that now held you captive. Huge grey wings flapped almost elegantly behind her. She descended until she gracefully touched the ground a few yards from you. She ignored the two men and headed straight for you.

"Now, human, I have some questions for you."

"O-Okay...."

"Is that how you answer someone?! Are you completely lacking in manners?! Try again!" The woman's voice rose to a frightening level and you automatically flinched.

"Y-Yes, ma'am." Your hands shook as the woman got closer. Who the hell was she? She was obviously a demon but why was she targeting you? Where was Leo?

"A slight improvement. Now, you will only answer when I ask a question. Otherwise, you will be silent. Is that understood?"

Not wanting to anger her any further, you nodded your head.

"Speak, you imbecile! Do you understand?!"

"Y-Yes, I-I understand."

"Good. Now, first, why are you in this forest?" You looked up at her in confusion but answered quickly.

"I....I live here."

"Nonsense! Why does a human live in THIS forest! You are trespassing!"

Suddenly, the chains of smoke holding you immobile sent an electric shock through your body. You cried out in pain but somehow managed to stay upright.

"Let's try this again. Why are you in this forest and why do you have the soul of a demon?!"

Lightning suddenly struck the tree and you screamed. Fear shut you down. You could no longer move and the recurring electric shocks sent through the chains were draining your strength. Finally, you fell to your knees.

"You will answer me!" Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the woman raise her hand, ready to strike you. You tensed, waiting for the blow.

"STOP!"

You raised your head to see Leo, Ravi, and Ken a few yards from you. A sigh of relief escaped your body just before Leo appeared in front of you. He knelt before you and curled his hand around your cheek. He felt the shocks going through your body and black smoke filled the area around you.

"You're shocking her?! Release her, NOW!"

"Leo, my dear, this human is trespassing in your forest. I'm simply helping you teach her a lesson."

"She's not trespassing! She lives here, WITH ME! Now, release her!" Leo's voice echoed throughout the meadow.

"Fine, but do not let her escape. I have questions for her." The woman waved her hand and the chains disappeared. With nothing to hold you up, you collapsed onto Leo.

His arms curled around you instantly. He lowered you gently onto the ground and inspected your injuries. He took your hands and inspected your wrists. Small singe marks wrapped around them. He put his hands over them and healed them instantly. He placed his hand over the cut on your arm and healed the cut as well. He smiled slightly at you in a silent apology but you shook your head, telling him you were fine. You took a glance at the hunters and saw them both beneath Ravi's hellhounds.

"Sibena?"

"She's alright. We found her with her kill just a few yards away. She's sharing nicely with the wolves." You nodded and let your head fall to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, my love. I shouldn't have left you." He kissed your forehead and then you heard the woman scoff.

"Leo, dear, please tell me you're joking. Why on earth is there a human living in this forest? Ah! I understand! You're keeping her around to feed from later! Are you ill? I can help you instead." She reached out her hand towards Leo but he pushed it away.

"I am not ill. She is NOT food. She is mine. I'm her's. We live here together. She is the person I intend to take as my wife."

"Impossible! Never! I will not have this!" The light darkened in the meadow and you tensed, clutching Leo's shirt in fear.

"Well, see here's the thing. I don't require your approval, Mother."

[yehet-me-up]

Writing Tag 📝

Tagged by @yeoldontknow @kyungseokie @ninibears-erigom @xiubaek-13 thank you!! 😄💕🌟I loved reading everyone’s and getting a peek into your writing process/faves!

1. what is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

Definitely Panera Bread (a cozy restaurant chain that has the BEST cinnamon bagels and mac & cheese, for anyone not familiar). I’m praying that by next year COVID is to a point where I can write there again. Other than that usually at home at my desk is best for focus.

2. what is your favorite genre to write?

I’m down for anything as long as it has at least a little bit of romance 😂I think on here I’ve written rom coms, sci fi, fantasy, angst, horror, thriller, etc. and I definitely plan to continue being a wide and varied writer but with that constant romance bent, as I am a diehard romance hoe 💕I was thinking about this recently and I think the universal vibe for my work is /longing/ since that’s a reflection on who I am as a person lmaooooo

3. do you prefer to write on paper, or digitally?

Oh my god digitally. I used to have atrocious handwriting as a kid, but it’s gotten better. I have a persistent ache in my wrist/thumb on my dominant hand (i think because of carpal tunnel due to spending five years growing up working at a theater and constantly using my wrist to sweep up popcorn lmao) so I could never be a longhand/paper writer.

4. it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. what do you do?

I used to just type it into an email to myself or into the search bar on my phone or on random pieces of paper but now I just have a ‘misc’ google doc that I can pull up on my phone and jot things down. The virgo energy that thrives in my chart is SO happy to have this organized 😂

5. who is your favorite person to write about?

hmmmm I actually had to think about this. I think I’m in the minority here in the fandom since I have only written one (?) story about my ult bias Kim Junmyeon. I’m not sure why that is necessarily but I think it’s since I keep my thoughts about him so close to myself I usually spend my time and creative energy writing for other people??? My favorite person is probably Kyungsoo or Baekhyun. Baek because he’s so !!! I feel like his stories are very fun to write and Soo because he’s a bit quieter/more introverted so the fics I seem to write for him are very internal and full of longing which I vibe with on the daily, so it feels like writing myself almost lmaoooo

6. do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

I’d say both? I really enjoy writing my own characters but I also enjoy writing fanfic, since there’s already a universal knowledge of the ‘characters.’ I always write AUs vs. RPF (real person fiction) about the IRL people I’m writing about, so it’s easier to just jump into the idea vs. spending a whole lot of time establishing the appearance/general personality of characters. While writing my book I’ve been dipping back into writing fics since it’s a nice break from having to create every aspect of the world/characters myself, so I’d say I like both equally!

7. have you ever written a book, or a story with more than 15 chapters (or 100k words)?

PLS PRAY FOR ME LMAOOOO god I’m like uhhh at about 85k on my book and just shy of 100k is the target word count for a book in the age group/genre i’m writing for so I’m aaaallllmmooossttt done. Other than that I think EXO mall is over 100k??? it’s not all one series but I sometimes consider it one. Other than that I think if I do end up writing Regency Husbands aka A Truth Universally Acknowledged here on tumblr itself I think that will probably be in the ballpark of 100k since I plotted it out as an entire book lololoollol.

8. how often do you get ideas?

fuckin hell, just - all the time. I have a few fics/books plotted out and I’m dying to get around to them and then I have a ‘misc’ google doc that holds lines, images, snippets of things that I’d love to throw together into a story at some point. I talk about this below, but now that I’m taking on trying to write books/be traditionally published (and since I’m a virgo... rising/mercury/mars/etc. I get VERY stressed by loose ends/unfinished things ughhhgghgh) I’ve had to be really clear/strict with myself when something comes up. 

Like is this new thing 1. a fic/book i want to write and 2. do I want to prioritize that over things I’ve planned already. So for now my plan on tumblr is to finish EXO mall and then re-evaluate the overflowing folder of ideas to see what’s next lmaooooo. One thing at a time seems to work best for me so that’s what I try to do, OR possibly see if it’s something I can work into an already in-process fic to try to kill two birds with one stone :)

9. do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?

GOD YES. So many. The EXO x Italian Job series that almost was. The Jongin fae story that was supposed to be a drabble and almost became a friggin book. A lot of the things I did for drabble parties came from snippets of things I planned to write as full on fics and just didn’t feel like I could do it justice.

It’s so hard because I work full time and life is busy and I can only write SO much, so as I’ve gotten more uhh experienced? Idk if that’s the right word, but as I’ve come to know myself better as a writer I get more adept at figuring out which ideas will actually sustain me through an entire series or a 20k+ oneshot and which ones will just be drabbles/brief flashes of an idea but ones that I can’t fully ‘finish’ and explore, if that makes sense? 

I’ve come to just enjoy the idea and write a short little thing for it and be done and happy with it vs. spending ages feeling guilty/beating myself up that I just don’t feel like writing that idea. And who knows? Maybe it’s something I’ll come back to later and ‘finish’ but it’s just not the right time!

10. what is your least favorite plot?

Hmmmm I’d say anything with romantic on-the-page abuse (that’s supposed to be romantic??)/dubious consent/verbal humiliation/etc etc. I’ve found a ton of books feature this lately under the guise of an ‘alpha’ male character and I just 🙃it’s not my thing, personally. I am usually still down for like age difference fics (as long as both parties are legal adults ofc), sub/dom vibes in smut, some teasing/jokes etc. but anything with the specific intent to demean/degrade/etc. another person I’m like that gif of the mouse walking in a door and then walking right back out.

11. tag 5 or more people

Tagging @jeonocho @kpopchangedme @jinterlude @yixingminseokjongdae @kpopimagi @strawberrybobohu @simplesanitys @julietsoddeye 🥳

[fereality-indy]

My Fic Masterpost

It has been awhile since I last posted a Fic Masterpost I have decided that it is time for a new one. Italics means the prompt was unfinished:

Gravity Falls

Gravity Heroes - A few months after the Mystery Twins head home from Gravity Falls Mabel receives a call from Soos telling her that Dipper was found turned to stone out in the woods. The problem is that Dipper is standing next to her when she received the call. This leads them off to a new adventure.

Gravity Heroes: Sidetracks - A series on one shots & drabbels that are stories that are in the Gravity Heroes-verse but aren’t necessarily required to read the main story-line. It’s essentially my take on the classic Marvel Comics Presents.

Valor Force - During his time on the other side of the portal Ford encountered several people. One was name Zordon who shared scientific knowledge with him. After the defeat of Bill and seeing exactly what McGuket was capable of, Ford decided to use what he learned to create his own team. In 2016 a new threat arises and following Zordon’s advice Ford recruits a team of ‘Teenagers With Attitude’ to create the Valor Force Rangers.

The Kids Are All Right -  The year is 2031 and our favourite kids from Gravity Falls are grown up and have kids of their own. This is their story.

Welcome To The Gravity Falls Region - My take on the Pokemon AU. Follow the adventures of the potential Pokemon Master Dipper Pines and his sister Mabel, Pokemon Coordinator extraordinaire, while they travel through the Gravity Falls Region. On hiatus.

The Curse - Thanks to a misunderstanding Wendy is targeted by a fairy curse. This is a short story following what happens afterwards. On hiatus

Wrasslin Wendy - After Wendy’s brothers learn that Dipper’s Godfather is a former pro wrestler and beg him to introduce them. A few years later Wendy and her brothers are now working for Global Championship Wrasslin. that’s where our story begins.

Camping With The Corduroys - Two quick little journal entries Dipper writes after he gets invited to go camping with his girlfriend’s family.

Fereality’s Gravity Falls Short Stories - My collection of shorts and drabbles that don’t fit anywhere else in my writings. Usually either Wendip or Mabcifica stories

Revenant Falls - During the twins fifth summer in Gravity Falls, Dipper thought he was going to be able to just work at the Shack and spend time with his girlfriend Wendy. Unfortunately this is Gravity Falls and you never know what is going to happen…

Baby It’s Cold Outside - After noticing the weather, a college age Dipper reluctantly makes ready to leave Wendy’s cabin. Wendip songfic written for the 2017 holiday season.

Opposites Attract - While Pacifica is waiting for Mabel to finish her shift at the Shack a familiar tune comes on over the radio. Mabcifica songfic written to get the song out of my head.

Wendy’s Christmas - Manly Dan allows Wendy to decide about survival training in 2014.

What If -  What if... it's 2018 and Wendy Corduroy is 21. She's still working at the Shack for the summer. After missing the previous summer due to his parents planning a family vacation before the twins head to college, Dipper walks into the Shack. Based on a RP between myself (as Dipper) and @aflippincorduroy (as Wendy).

College Love -  After missing his 21st birthday party due to an early starting college course, Dipper is taken out to a bar by Mabel. Little does he know that her girlfriend has set up an encounter with someone he hasn't seen since that fateful summer 8 years ago.  

Wendip Week 1 Spring 2016 - The first Wendip Week. Prompts are: Naked, Promise, Together, Midnight, Rainy Days, Forest, & First Time.

Wendip Week 3 Summer 2017 - The prompts for the Wendip Week 2017 are: Meet The Parents, Time Travel, 5+1, The Gang Finds Out, Handcuffed/Bound Together, Fake Relationship, & Naughty and Nice.

Wendip Week 2018 -  It's time again for Wendip week. This time I am using the prompts to flesh out the backstory behind The Kids Are All Right. The prompts are as follows; School, Typical Pines Luck, Combat, Date Night, Flirting, Moving In With Each Other, and Bedtime Story.

Wendip Week 2019 -  The yearly celebration of our favorite couple is here once again.

Kim Possible

Disney Fireworks -  After the tweebs win a family trip at a science fair, Kim & Ron take a needed break from college at Disneyland.

Star Vs The Forces Of Evil

Cassie Vs The Forces Of Entropy - Nova (Star & Marco’s daughter created by @mrevaunit42) and her friends are setting up for Grandparent’s day cook out when a portal opens in the back yard and out steps three interesting teens. This is a story covering one of the possible futures of the kids of Echo Creek’s next generation. Started out as a Tumblr conversation and ended up with @mrevaunit42’s permission to write this.

OLDER WORKS

Oh Puddin - Set after the flash back in Mad Love. After Harley Quinn breaks the Joker out of Arkham she gives him a surprise. Written back before I realized how toxic that relationship was.

Pokèmon: Spirit Rangers - Our heroes Find they Have their hands full when they find out they have inherited the “SPIRITS OF THE PAST”, spirits of ancient pokemon who when danger arises choose new hosts and grants them with new abilities. My first foray into Pokèmon and the Power Rangers. On hiatus

Why? - Set six years after the final battle with Voldemort and his Deatheaters. Following a tip that a former member of the inner circle is in Hogsmeade, rogue auror Harry Potter comes to town to investigate. What he finds is a ghost from his past. NSFW

What’s This? - Chuck Clayton has some explaining to do after his father finds something in his studio. An Archie Comics story written in answer to a fic challenge on LiveJournal.

I Love Otik’s Bar - Tas singing a song about his home away from home. Song originaly “written” for a Dragonlance contest on LiveJournal.

A Call To Duty - Disbanded in 1994, the ‘Counter-Terrorist Task Force Delta’ opperation has been semi-dorment. Fast-forward to 2000, the Jugglers fearing the return of Cobra reactivates the G.I. Joe team under General Flagg. My first published foray into fan fiction. On hiatus

[angelicthor]

the nineties

decades dance: part 5

pairing: steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes

summary:  unrequited love was painful. To have to endure it from two people was something else. Loving two super soldiers that didn’t return your feelings was agony but what if they did? Events unfold when Tony plans to throw a party for every decade Bucky and Steve missed out on.

warnings/genre: +18 only, explicit smut, attempted sexual assault

masterlist | decades dance masterlist

Your plan to throw the other’s off your track worked, after the last party it was assumed that when Steve and Bucky disappeared, it was with the girls they were seen with and Nat’s ruthless questioning had somewhat eased. The three of you were able to breathe a sigh of relief at this, your relationship remaining a secret between you for just a while longer.

You did, however, need to somewhat hide just how worried you were when Steve and Bucky had to go on a mission. This was the first time since you’d began your relationship that the boys had been away from you; you kept reminding yourself that it was only a week, that they had more experience under their belts than the rest of the Avengers combined and they would never let anything happen to each other, but it did little to diminish the nagging fear that was eating away at you.

Sensing your nerves with the boys being away, Tony decided that the Saturday they returned would be the next party, giving you the chance to relax with everyone once they came back. You enthusiastically agreed to the plan and in your next video call to the boys, you told them about the party: they promised to be back by Saturday but told you they may be a little late, and that they would have to come in their uniforms, not having time to find costumes.

The idea of Steve and Bucky in their respective uniforms had your thighs clenching together and a part of you believed they were doing this on purpose somehow, knowing the effect that the black leather of Bucky’s vest with all those goddamn straps had and what the sight of Steve’s stealth suit did to you. The slight smirk they both wore as they told you the news gave you a good enough idea of their intentions.

Saturday came and the boys had sent you a message that morning letting you know they were on their way back to which a sense of relief and glee filled you. You spent the rest of the day with Nat and Wanda, chatting and laughing between you, your excitement at the thought of your boys being back mistaken for your anticipation of the party later.

A few hours before the party, you found yourself once again getting ready with Nat and Wanda, practically buzzing with eagerness at seeing your boys again. The time you had spent apart had been filled with worry for their wellbeing, the only reprieve you got from your anxiety was when they called you, as soon as the call ended though it returned ten-fold. You just couldn’t wait for them to back with you where they belonged – if their mission away did anything, it made you release just how much they meant to you, how much you missed being next to them every day and it got you questioning whether you were ready to bring your relationship into the open.

You figured that it was something you could discuss when they got back, for now you focussed on getting ready. Your costumes for this party were far more out there then they had been for the others, but you blamed that on the fact that it was the 90’s. Looking over your reflection in the mirror, you adjusted the shirt that was tied in a bow under your breasts, the bright bra you wore peeking through the open buttons. Your skirt resting on the tops of your thighs, barely covering the plump cheeks of your ass, knee-high socks and heeled pumps completing the look. You tied your hair into pigtails, the fluffy pink ties completing your look, if you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought that you had just walked out of Britney Spears’ ‘…Baby One More Time’ music video.

You turned to Wanda and Nat, admiring their outfits in turn; Wanda was wearing Belle’s iconic golden dress, her hair in the half-up bun that helped bring her look together and part of you wondered if Vision would be dressed as the Beast. You were going to need to see that. You had no idea where Nat was coming up with these ideas but you loved each one more than the last, the Black Widow herself was in front of you dressed as Ginger Spice in what has to be one of the more memorable moments of the 90’s. The tiny Union Jack dress didn’t even cover her crotch, the navy panties peeking out from under the material of her dress that you were pretty sure was actually a vest whilst red platform boots adorned her feet.

You giggled at the complete difference in their outfit choices, Nat revealing so much skin whilst Wanda looked the carbon copy of the iconic Disney princess. Nat arched a brow at you, eyes wandering over your revealing outfit as a smirk played at her lips, “Wow Y/N, who are you trying to impress?”

You blushed at her words, mind racing with thoughts about your soldiers and how they would react; how their eyes would dilate, their jaws clench, how every muscle in their body would tense as they were forced to watch you strut around all night in such attire. You had to blink away the images that conjured of what they would do when you were finally alone, realising that Nat and Wanda were staring at you expectantly.

“I’m not trying to impress anyone: w-who would I be trying to impress?” You stuttered out, trying to hide your evident nerves with a laugh, cheeks burning as a knowing smirk crossed Nat’s lips and Wanda shot you a smile that let you know she knew more than you thought she did.

Hurrying to change the subject, you linked both your arms with theirs and headed out the door, heading towards the elevator and towards the party the floor below. The doors opened and the sound of TLC immediately met your ears and as you entered the room you noticed the numerous inflatable chairs scattered around, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on every space of wall available. It was as trashy 90’s as you could get.

There were posters of Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas, Forrest Gump and other renowned films of the decade whilst TV stations around the room showed news clips of Bill Clinton’s presidency and Princess Diana’s death. The three of you made your rounds around the room, finding the others quickly and admiring their outfits: Tony was dressed as Austin Powers, Sam was channelling some strong Fresh Prince vibes, Vision was in fact dressed as the Beast to match Wanda (something you found adorable) and Clint was wearing Neo’s iconic black ensemble from The Matrix. All in all, everyone looked amazing but you couldn’t help notice the absence of your boys.

Seeing how your eyes roamed the room for any signs of Steve and Bucky, Tony leaned towards you, murmuring in your ear that they were only twenty minutes out when he last checked and that they had promised to come straight here when they landed. You couldn’t prevent the relieved smile that spread across your lips at the news, at this point you just wanted them back with you, everything else be damned.

Trying to occupy the time until they arrived you asked Wanda and Nat if they wanted to dance to which they hastily agreed. The dancefloor was rather full this time around, unlike the previous parties, and you could only assume that it was because the music was more familiar to those dancing on it. After a few songs, you lost Nat and Wanda in the sea of people – every now and then you’d see a flash of Nat’s read hair or the golden skirt of Wanda’s dress but you didn’t feel like pushing yourself through the mass of people and so you left the dancefloor to stand on the side, watching with a smile as everyone danced the night away.

Leaning against the wall as you watched everyone dance, your eyes kept flittering to the door, waiting for the moment Steve and Bucky would walk in and finally be home. In your distracted state, you never noticed the body creep along to your side until you felt their breath on your neck; jumping in shock, you spun around to face the intruder of your personal space and recognised him as the man you flirted with at the last party in order to make Steve and Bucky jealous. Boy oh boy did that work.

Giving him an awkward smile, you took a small step away from him to try and regain some of your boundaries and you couldn’t help but grimace when he followed your step away, pressing his body into yours.

“Hey there sexy, I lost you at the last part – glad I found you again,” His tone was smug and his smirk dripped with indecency. There was something about him that just made you feel dirty in all the wrong ways and you wanted to wash yourself of him as soon as you could.

What was his name again? Chuck? Chad? No, no -  Brad! That was it!

Before you could open your mouth to kindly reject his advances, he was already speaking: “Want to dance? Pretty sure we have some unfinished business from last time.”

Ew, not in this life or the next buddy.

“No thanks, I’m actually waiting for my friends – they’ll be here any minute so-”

“Oh come on, they aren’t going begrudge me a dance – plus it’s kinda obvious what you’re after dressed like that.”

Your attempts at keeping this civil went out the window with his words, your brows raising in indignation as your eyes narrowed at the man in front of you. “Excuse me?” You spat out at him.

His hand circled your wrist with a strong grip, harshly pulling you towards the dancefloor but you managed to pull yourself out of his grasp which only served to infuriate him further, “It’s just a dance sexy, why are you being so difficult about it?”

“Because I don’t want to dance with you, now leave me alone.”

A dark look crossed his face at your rejection and a chill ran down your spine, as an Avenger you were used to being attacked by all sorts of creatures but you had a feeling what was about to happen was a whole other kind of attack from a whole other kind of monster.

Your back hit the wall as he roughly shoved you against it, his hand pinning your wrists above your head as shock flooded your system, tears pricking at your eyes as you struggled to free yourself from his iron grip. “Such a fucking slut, teasing me at the party just to fucking vanish and now, now you’re here parading yourself in this fucking get-up and saying no? No sweetheart I know what you really want and I’m going to be nice and oblige,” He snarled in your face, spit flying from his mouth as his hand creeped under your skirt, edging their way closer and closer to your panties as you squirmed under him.

Panic completely took over you, your knee coming up hard between his legs and he released your wrists with a groan. “I said let go!” You yelled at his bent over form, tears streaming down your face and the attention of the party firmly on you and Brad.

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw two figures rushing towards you whilst the red of Nat’s hair could be seen pushing her way through the people who stood frozen on the dancefloor. Your eyes, however, remained focus on the man in front of you, too afraid to let yourself let your guard down and turn away from him.

Just as he stood up, absolute rage painting his face as he took a step towards you, two very familiar bodies jumped in front of you and you had never been happier to see them. Nat was at your side a moment later, leading you away from your attacker and out of the party, you weren’t even aware you were shaking until you entered the elevator, your legs giving out as you collapsed to the ground.

Nat was beside you instantly, pulling you into her embrace as your cried into the skin of her neck, as you rubbed her hand up and down your back in a soothing manner, trying to bring you back to the present and away from the dark thoughts filling your mind of what very nearly happened to you. You felt numb as Nat hoisted you from the floor, leading you to your room and sitting you on the bed, wrapping you in her arms as she whispered comforting words to you.

You barely registered the sound of your door opening and the heavy footfalls of Steve and Bucky, only recognising their presence when they were both kneeling before you, concern swimming in their blue eyes as they locked their gaze on you. Bucky’s hand rested reassuringly on your thigh as Steve wiped away the tears that were cascading down your cheeks, you were so focused on your soldiers crotched in front of you that you never noticed Nat sneak out of the room.

“Doll,” Bucky’s voice croaked out timidly, as if he was afraid he’d startle you, “Are you ok?”

You numbly nodded your head, offering them both a watery smile as you tried to reassure them that you were ok: “I’m fine Bucky, I promise. It’s stupid, I don’t know why I’m so shaken by him.”

“It’s not stupid sweetheart,” Steve cut you off, taking on his Captain voice to try to get you to listen to him, “It’s only natural to be upset by this; he’s a fucking monster for what he tried to do to you, I’m just sorry we weren’t there to stop him but you handled it pretty well on your own – nice hit by the way beautiful.”

Steve tried to lighten the mood but you could still see the anger in his eyes at the thought of what Brad was planning on doing. You saw a similar glint in Bucky’s eyes, knowing that he was in a very dark place in his head and slid down from the bed, nestling yourself between their bodies, head buried where the shoulders were pressed against each other and wrapping your arms tightly around them, bringing them in closer to you. They immediately circled your waist with their arms, pulling you into their solid chests as you burrowed your face further into their shoulders.

You felt them press a kiss to either side of your temple, Bucky’s hand rubbing up and down your spine in an attempt to ground you whilst Steve tugged your hair free of their ties, twirling the loose strands around his fingers, knowing how much having your hair played with soothed you. You melted further into them at their actions, your breathing starting to regulate as your thoughts of Brad were overpowered with Steve and Bucky; the feeling of their strong bodies against you, their familiar scents, their relaxing touches - the fact that they were finally home with you.

You pulled away from them, kneeling in front of them, a small smile growing on your face as your gaze flittered between the two sets of gorgeous blue eyes locked on you, filled with concern and undeniable love, and you felt an overwhelming need to just be with them; to forget every single thing that was outside of your bedroom door and focus on nothing but the three of you. Now that your thoughts were no longer on the harrowing events of the party, you were overcome with relief that they were both home, safe and sound with you and you wanted nothing more than to bask in the comfort of your soldiers’ touch.

Your hand cupped at Steve’s face as you entwined your fingers with Bucky’s. “You’re home,” You voice was barely louder than a whisper, raw and vulnerable as your forgotten anxiety for them was remembered. They both seemed to understand what you meant, realising how worried you’d been for them, how terrified that they may have not come home because Bucky brought your hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of it as Steve let out a breathless chuckle, lips curving in a gentle smile.

“We’ll always come home to you Y/N, you know that – nothing could ever keep us away from you,” Steve murmured, pulling you into his chest as his lips softly kissed the crown of your head.

“We’d cross heaven and hell for you darlin’.” The conviction in Bucky’s voice warmed your heart, providing a strange sense of reassurance that not only would they both do the impossible in order to make it home to you, but also provided comfort that the relationship between the three of you would endure whatever it was tested against.

Maybe it really was time to tell the others…

You peered up at Bucky from the corner of your eye, still buried in Steve’s chest, and the adoration in his eyes cause a blush to burn your cheeks. Leaning forward, you captured Bucky’s lips with yours in a languid kiss, completely unrushed as your tongue caressed his, burying your hand in the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck as you did.

Pulling away, Bucky rested his forehead against yours, eyes searching your own for what it is you wanted. There was a different energy between the three of you – this wasn’t like your normal trysts in the bedroom, it was lacking the burning lust that normally fuelled your every move, instead the air between you was heavy with adoration, a different kind of need filling you.

Sex with Bucky and Steve normally left you bruised, thoroughly fucked-out and completely satisfied as you would lay panting and motionless on the bed, unable to move a single muscle. It wasn’t that it was purely physical, you knew they loved you, you could feel it in their gentle caresses as they brought you back down from the euphoria they had propelled you to but the way they were both staring at you now, as if you had the andromeda galaxy captured in your sparkle of your eyes, had you knowing that something different was about to take place between the three of you.

You wanted gentle touches, soft kisses, sweet murmurs whispered in your ear as you called out their names – not their ranks – into the otherwise silent room. You wanted to feel every tender embrace, to bask in the beauty of them and only them. You wanted them to make love to you and for you to make love to them.

“I-,” You cut yourself off, voice raw as if it hadn’t been used in days, trying to figure out how exactly to tell them what you wanted, “I need you: justyou.”

Your gaze flickered between Bucky and Steve, relief flooding you as their confusion melted into understanding, a warm yearning visible in their relaxed expressions and you knew you didn’t need to try and find the words that would never truly compare to what you felt, you could simply show them instead.

Moving forward, you cupped Steve’s jaw in your hand, thumb tracing over his cheek as you delicately moulded your lips against his, Steve’s own hands gliding into your hair as you hummed into it his mouth, feeling Bucky move to kneel behind you, littering kisses along the exposed column of your neck as his hands started to roam over your body, content at simply feeling you under his sturdy hands.

You broke the kiss with Steve, head lolling back to rest on Bucky’s shoulder with a blissful sigh at the feeling of his hands reverently wandering your body; fingertips grazing the exposed skin of your thighs, lightly trailing up to your waist, the flimsy material of your skirt trapped under his hands as they travelled north only to cup your breasts through your shirt.

Breathy moans escaped your parted lips as Steve joined Bucky in his delicate assault on your neck, one hand weaving through Steve’s short blond hair as your other buried itself in Bucky’s thick chestnut locks, pressing yourself against his unwavering chest for the support you oh-so-desperately needed to stay upright.

You were hoisted from the ground by Steve, strong arms surrounding you and laying you on the bed, both of them immediately surrounding you. Two sets of hands started to tug at your clothing: Bucky slowing pulling your skirt down your legs, throwing it to the side as Steve pulled each button free on your shirt, gradually revealing your skin to their appreciative gaze. You were soon completely bare beneath them and a flash of vulnerability struck you, arms coming to cross against your chest in attempt to block their view – not that they hadn’t seen you in such a state of undress a thousand times before but the overwhelming sense of love the three of you made this far more intimate then any time before you couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.

Bucky’s hands gingerly wrapped around your wrists, prying your arms away from your chest, his eyes not once leaving yours: “You’re so beautiful babygirl,” he mumbled under his breath, lips curling in a small smile as he spotted the blush that painted your cheeks at his words.

“We’re so lucky to have you doll; never doubt that,” Steve said, voice sincere and his eyes locked on yours, not giving you any room to argue with him.

You bit your bottom lip to try and fight the cheek-splitting smile threatening to take over, sitting up on the bed as your hands started to pull at the combat suits still adorning their bodies; stripping Steve of his navy stealth suit and unbuckling the black leather that stretched across Bucky’s chest until they were both as undressed as you.

They sandwiched you between them, Steve pressed against your back as Bucky was against your front, hands roaming over your bare body as you slung one arm over Steve’s shoulder, pulling him flush against you as you writhed at the feeling of their calloused hands over your skin. Your lips once again found Bucky’s in a passionate kiss, tongues tangling as your free hand tangled itself in his hair, moaning into the embrace as Steve’s hands started to massage your breasts, fingers tugging on your already hardened nipples as his lips peppered kisses on the skin of your neck.

The feeling of their cocks hardening against your thigh sent a surge of need through you, wanting to show them both how much you loved them and to satisfy the desire that was beginning to pool in your core, wetness making itself known between your thighs. Manoeuvring out of the walls of muscle you were currently trapped between and breaking the kiss with Bucky, you kissed down his body to where his hard cock was arching against his stomach, you pumped it in your fist before you licked him from base to tip, revelling in the sharp hiss that escaped him when your tongue twirled around his head, lapping up the precum gathered there.

Not wanting to leave Steve out, your other hand came up to cup his balls, moving up to work your hand up and down his pulsing length, using the precum pooling at his tip as lube and smiling around Bucky’s cock as you heard Steve’s muttered praises nearly being drowned out by the heavy pants and low groans spilling from Bucky’s lips.

Feeling the vein on the underside of Bucky’s cock throbbing as your tongue traced it - a sign he was nearing his end - you released him with a lewd pop, moving to work Steve with your mouth, taking him deep into your throat as you bobbed your head along his aching cock. Steve’s hand cupped your jaw, thumb tracing over your cheek and feeling his heavy cock through the skin as you continued to slowly pump Bucky’s cock, his hips thrusting into your spit-slicked fist.

You pulled away panting when Steve tugged you off of him, a string of saliva and precum connecting you both as you did, Steve letting out a mangled groan as your soft lips left his sensitive cock and Bucky practically whined when your hand released him. Steve pulled you into a hungry kiss, not minding the taste of both him and Bucky that lingered on your lips before he gently pushed you back on the bed, your legs falling apart and your glistening pussy on show to their eager eyes.

They both collapsed next to you, nuzzling your neck and scattering the sensitive skin with a multitude of kisses as they both whispered sweet words into your ear.

“Sweetheart, we love you so much,” Bucky muttered against your skin, littering kisses along your collarbone as he lethargically made his way down your body, paying close attention to your breasts, suckling on your sensitive nipples before descending to your stomach, pressing kisses across your hips as he worshipped you, “So fucking beautiful.”

“You mean the absolute world to us, you know that right?” Steve questioned you, his brow furrowed as his eyes had a resolved determination lighting them; Steve needed you to know he meant the absolute truth, needed you to understand just how much you meant to both of them and you couldn’t help the smile that broke out at the thought.

“Yeah Stevie, I know.” You pulled him down to you in a tender kiss, only breaking it when you gasped at the feeling of Bucky plunging two fingers deep within you, seeking out your g-spot and easily locating it, watching in glee as your face contorted with pleasure, moans and pleas spilling from your lips as his fingers repeatedly worked you closer to the edge, the coil within your core tightening with every pass of his fingers over your special spot.

You barely registered Steve’s dark chuckle or the fact that he moved off the bed and towards the nightstand, far too focused on the pleasure Bucky was providing you, eyes screwed shut as you clawed the sheets beneath you, knuckles turning white with the strength of your grip. Your hips shot up of the bed, rolling in an attempt to pull Bucky’s digits deeper inside you and you nearly cried when his fingers slowed their assault on you, eyes opening to see what was stopping him and you gasped at the sight.

Steve was kneeling beside Bucky, lube in hand as he applied a generous amount to your ass and you moaned at the cold liquid hitting your heated skin. Steve massaged your tight hole before slowly pushing in one lube-coated finger, stretching you out before adding another; you lifted your hips off the bed to give them both more room and you couldn’t stop the wanton cries that escaped you as the both began to thrust their digits into you, preparing you for what was soon to come.

By the time they had deemed you ready, you were a panting mess on the bed, so so close to completion before they pulled away from you, helping you up to your knees on shaky legs and using Bucky for support, his strong arms wrapping around you and pulling you into his chest.

His fingers combed through your hair, pulling it away from your face as he smiled down at you, pressing a chaste kiss against your lips before he lifted your legs over his, your knees straddling his own as his cock pressed against your entrance. You wrapped your arms around Bucky’s shoulders, tangling your hands in his hair as you shared a deep kiss, his own hands landing on your hips to guide you as you lifted yourself up to slowly impale yourself on his cock.

You both groaned at the feeling of being so intimately connected, Bucky pressing his forehead against yours, eyes screwed shut as the feeling of your silken walls around his cock nearly made him cum then and there.

“Oh, fuck Bucky,” You breathlessly moaned out, rolling your hips against his in a dire need for more.

“I got you baby, fuck, so fucking perfect,” Bucky’s hands traveled the skin of your back like he was trying to feel every inch of you before they settled under your knees, lifting you up as if you weighed nothing and settling your legs over his arms until he was holding your full weight by the globes of your ass.

You couldn’t help but throw your head back and groan as Bucky man handled you, the new position pushing him further into you and giving you such a sense of fullness you felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes. Bucky’s lips caressed the skin of your neck, not kissing it but simply ghosting over it as if he was trying to memorize the feel of you, the taste, under his lips and you let out a blissful sigh at the sensual feeling.

Bucky’s hands gripped your ass, spreading your cheeks and you felt Steve’s chest press against your back, his hard cock lubed up and pressing against the ring of muscle his fingers were buried in only moments ago. Steve nibbled on your ear lobe, whispering dirty praises into it as he slowly thrust forward, “You feel so fucking good babygirl, so perfect, fucking made just for us.”

The boys gave you a moment to collect yourself, and if they were being honest, themselves too – the feeling off your tight walls surrounding their already sensitive cocks threatening to make them cum before the show even started. When you were all ready, you wrapped on arm around Bucky’s broad shoulders and the other around Steve’s back, pulling them closer to you as you rolled your hips, all three of you groaning at the feeling.

Taking your silent signal, Steve and Bucky began to gently thrust into you; Bucky’s hands keeping a firm grip on your ass as Steve’s cupped your breasts, rolling your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Bucky kept his forehead pressed against yours, blazing eyes locked on your face, his harsh puffs of breath hitting your face as Steve buried his face in your neck, eyes screwed shut at the feeling of your tight ass surrounding his cock, muttering curses into the sweat-slick skin of your shoulder.

You could feel every thrust in and out of you, every unhurried roll of their hips and every pulse of their cocks. It was completely relaxed; no bruising grips or teeth-marks, no ranks or punishments, no games or contests. It was just the three of you basking in the love you felt for each other and the intensity of it all caused tears to slip from your eyes.

You weren’t going to last long, not with Bucky hitting your g-spot so expertly with every push of his hips into yours, and you knew they weren’t going to last much longer either.

“Fuck doll, you’re killing me, feel so fucking good around my cock,” Bucky choked out, his intense blue eyes locked on yours and you could see the lust and love there enough to make you whimper.

You could feel your orgasm encroaching, your clit throbbing with need to be touched and Steve must have sensed this as his hand crept down your body and circle the engorged nub, finally triggering your release. Your hands clawed at Bucky’s back as your body shook violently, pleasure shooting through every synapse in your body as your orgasm washed over you, threatening to pull you under in the abyss.

Your cunt clamped down on Bucky’s cock and his hips stuttered into yours a few final times before his release coated your walls, cumming with a groan as you milked him of his release. The feeling of you spasming in his arms and the sound of your high-pitched cries threw Steve over the edge too, his cock twitching as he came, hips flush against your ass, muttering curses under his breathe all the while.

When the three of you finally returned from your euphoria, Bucky and Steve tried to pull out of you as delicately as they could, knowing how sore you could be after sex and Steve stumbled into the bathroom as Bucky lowered your aching legs back to the bed. However, you didn’t have long to rest before he was swooping you into his arms again, carrying your dozing form into the bathroom after Steve where the shower was already on and warming up.

The two of them held you up, cleaning you and themselves as you barely managed to stay awake, sleep so desperately trying to take you. Their soft touches and sweet words did nothing to help the matter, feeling so content and at peace that you could have sworn you could have fallen asleep standing up given the chance.

Your eyelids grew unbelievably heavy as they dried you off and your limbs became weighed down as you fought so valiantly to stay conscious. They dressed you in one of their shirts and carried you back to bed, the three of you climbing in and you couldn’t help but sigh at the feeling of the cool sheets caressing you skin, such a contrast to the warm bodies of your super-soldiers cuddling up to you.

You knew then and there what you wanted. You wanted this; Steve and Bucky and everything that a relationship with them entailed, now and forever. And you wanted everyone to know it.

a/n: i don’t have a tag list but if you want alerts please follow @angelicthorwrites and turn on notifications

[ghostbustermelanieking]

phantom weights chapter six

one, two, three, four, five

season 11, post my struggle iv. part of my series that i write as i rewatch the x files.

Summary: In the wake of their second encounter, Mulder, Scully, and Jackson reconnect (both by accident and on purpose.)

---

Mulder barely left Scully's side after the trip to the beach. They were both hyper aware of her approaching due date, and she knew how deeply Mulder had been wounded by what Jackson said. Knew how terrified he was of not being there for her, of missing the birth of his child again. He was nervous, and she was nervous, and while the constant attention felt a little stifling at times, she felt a bit relieved because of it. She wanted him to be there; she didn't know if she could do this without him. Every day felt like a tick on the clock, getting closer and closer to the day they'd be parents again. It was terrifying and exciting all at once. 

(They didn't hear from Jackson after they got home. They hadn't expected to, but it still hurt. Every single minute of it hurt.)

There was nothing left to do, it seemed, in the baby's room, but Scully still felt like it was unfinished. She still spent a lot of time in there, when she had the energy, checking through the things they'd bought, the security of the crib, or folding and refolding the clothes and the baby blanket Tara had mailed from Germany. She felt restless, impatient and ready for the next part to begin. She wanted the baby to be here and be safe; she couldn't stand the fear that something bad would come from all of this. That the baby wouldn't be okay. She was uncomfortable and sick of pregnancy, of course, but she also just wanted a guarantee that this wouldn't end badly. She wanted to meet her daughter (because she really did think it might be a daughter), and she wanted to do it right now. 

Mulder kept urging her to relax, to lie down. Kept offering to fold things for her, or get her things. She kept refusing. It wasn't about getting it done, it was about distractions. She sensed he was thinking similarly. He fussed over her most of the time, and when she waved him off, he turned to books, to extensive research on some cryptid or another, to outlining his novel (which he'd written in odd, well written chunks since they'd been fired). But he always turned back to fussing with a mix of determined love and worry. It was annoying and endearing all at once, and she loved him desperately for it. It was hard not to burst into tears every time she remembered the first pregnancy, and how little he'd been there, and how devoted he was now. (It was hard not to burst into tears when remembering William at all.) 

Despite everything, despite the hurtful but completely justifiable things that Jackson had said, she still missed him desperately. Missed her son, her angry, furious son. Her grieving son who read books about black holes and created fictional monsters, who could create images with his mind and had killed men in self defense, who had lunch with her and asked questions about their past and made jokes with them, who asked about his sibling in perhaps the gentlest voice she'd heard from him. He was her baby, and she loved getting to know him, loved their odd little interactions (awkward as they may have been), and she missed him. Even though she was upset with him for the things he'd said to Mulder. (She deserved all of those things, but not Mulder. It was her fault, not his; he hadn't wanted to leave.) She missed him and she wanted him to come back. She'd told herself about a million times that teenagers were supposed to fight with their parents, supposed to say cruel and angry things—God knows that she had. She wasn't resentful. She wanted him to come home, and she was terrified that he never would. 

And so she found distractions. It wasn't hard to get lost in other worries on top of the ones about Jackson's, with her due date so soon. She had weekly doctor appointments to check on her progress, and everything had been good so far. Aside from the expected discomforts and pains that came from the third trimester, she felt fine; no signs that made her nerves and anxiety worse. But that didn't do much to reassure her. She was still terrified. 

They had a C-section scheduled. It wasn't exactly Scully's favorite option, considering the recovery, but considering the alternatives and risks involved, it seemed to be the safest option. And considering how the last birth had gone, she liked the reassurance that she would give birth in a hospital, with anesthesia and doctors and no cultists come to watch her give birth or threaten to take the baby. (She'd had many nightmares about that.) And Mulder, who'd sworn again and again that he wouldn't leave them. (He still felt so guilty about that. He'd apologized a thousand times, starting with the night William had been born, the three of them sitting together on the helicopter. He had promised multiple times that he would be with her, stay with her, wouldn't leave her side.) They had things planned, and she knew no matter what that she'd be in a hospital and Mulder would be with her ("You're getting to a hospital if I have to fight my way through a horde of zombies or something," he'd joked earlier, and she said, "Let's not plan on that, please"), but the scheduled part was unpredictable. As a doctor, she knew that better than anyone. She also knew the risks of the baby coming earlier. 

Two weeks out from her due date, she started to feel contractions. She assumed at first that they were just Braxton Hicks, but they didn't go away. It wasn't a surprise when her water finally broke; she had known that the baby was coming soon for a few days. She had felt her coming, known she was ready. 

---

Mulder was nervous on the way out to the car and trying his damndest not to show it. Scully had seen the panic flash across his eyes when she announced, in a voice so steady that it scared her (How the hell could she be calm at a time like this? Was she in shock?), that she was in labor. Panic that had morphed into something like gentle excitement, but panic that hadn't quite faded. He'd gone to her first, engulfing her in his arms, and then to the packed bag, and then to the car keys, fumbling with the both of them in one hand so he could keep the other on her back. He dropped the keys three times on the way to the car, apologizing every time. He kissed her forehead several times as he helped her into the car seat, smoothing her hair away from her face. "It's going to be okay," he told her, and she wasn't sure whether or not he believed it. But still, he smiled at her softly before rounding the car to get into the driver's seat. 

She gasped as another contraction hit, breathing the way they had practiced in Lamaze through her teeth. "It's okay," Mulder said again as he started the car, and she shut her eyes and hoped that it would be. She didn't feel calm anymore. 

"Mulder," she whispered as they began the long drive up the driveway, "is it too soon? Do you think it's too soon?"

She didn't think he knew the answer, but he reached for her hand anyway and let her squeeze tight. "I think it'll be okay," he said softly. "I-I think that she just couldn't wait to meet you."

She gasped out a brief little laugh, her eyes squeezing shut as she huffed out breaths. She could feel her heart pounding. As Mulder stopped the car to open the gate, she put a hand to her stomach and thought fiercely, It's going to be okay, baby. It's going to be okay. 

---

The hospital was a short drive, luckily, and so they got there in good time, though Mulder felt as if it lasted forever. He was terrified and trying not to let Scully see it, remembering the trauma of the last time, the dank house in Georgia, Scully's franticness and refusal to let anyone touch William, everything he'd missed. He wanted more than anything to meet the baby, for her to be here, but he was terrified of losing them, Scully or the baby or both of them. He couldn't shake the fear. 

Scully seized his arm as soon as he came around to get her out of the car, fingers clenched tight, and didn't let go. Not when they got into the emergency room, not when she lowered herself into a wheelchair, him trying to steady her as she went. She let go only briefly, while she changed into a hospital gown and climbed into the hospital bed, and then she grasped for him again. He took her hand, didn't complain when she squeezed so hard that the bones ached. He hated that he wasn't there before to let her crush his hand, hated that he would ever think of leaving her and his son alone like that. He loathed himself for it nearly every day. 

“Don't leave us,” Scully hissed like she'd read his mind, her voice breaking off in a whimper, and Mulder rubbed a quivering thumb over the top of her hand, kissed the back of it. “I won't, I won't,” he promised, pressing his cheek to the side of her head, and he meant it. He would never. Not for a second. 

She turned her head, pressing her face into his arm, and he held tight. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much, Mulder. No matter what happens…”

“I know  I love you, too,” he whispered back, stroking her hair with the flat of his thumb, his arms around her shoulders. He wouldn't let anything happen to her, to either of them. “It's gonna be okay, Scully," he whispered, and she nodded, jaw clenched to keep her chin from trembling. He wouldn't leave her. He stood beside the bed and held her hand in his. 

---

The doctor, the same friend of Scully's who'd originally confirmed the pregnancy, seemed optimistic. "There are still risks involved, of course, but I see no reason why things shouldn't run smoothly, and the two of you shouldn't be perfectly healthy," she said reassuringly. "I think, considering how far along you are, that it'd be better to go with a natural birth rather than a C-section."

Scully, breathing through clenched teeth, nodded. "How far along am I?" 

"About seven centimeters, and moving quickly," said the doctor. 

She nodded in understanding. She was still clutching tight to Mulder's hand. Mulder, who was sitting beside her, his face white with nervousness. "I… I want my husband with me," she said, stern even through her pained breaths. "The whole time."

The doctor looked surprised. "Of course, Dana."

She shut her eyes with relief. She felt Mulder lift her hand and kiss her knuckles. 

She didn't know that she could do this. She'd done it before, but she didn't know that she could do it again. She kept thinking about how things went last time, giving birth without Mulder, with all those people there, and she'd lost them both and found them again, but she was so scared it would happen again. 

But then there was Mulder's voice in her ear, telling her it was going to be okay. He was talking about their daughter, telling Scully that she was coming, and she was going to be perfect, and he couldn't wait to meet her. And the doctor seemed optimistic—not overly optimistic, but still optimistic, and Scully trusted her. She trusted her judgement. 

And then there was her daughter. Her baby, who she already felt like she knew. She could feel her, she knew she was ready. And she had the tiniest feeling—a lingering hope strengthening gradually—that it was all going to be okay. She already knew that her daughter was a fighter. 

---

Jackson had been having nightmares, irregularly but frequently, since that night at the beach house. 

It wasn't an abnormal thing to happen, certainly—he had been having nightmares for months now—but they were always a little bit different now. He usually dreamed of the gunshots and his parents' blank eyes, his mother's last desperate scream. Of the people he'd killed, and the people he couldn't save, and the fucking bullet landing right between his eyes. Now it was all of that, but it was mixed with the screen door slamming behind him at that house in Delaware and hearing Mulder and Dana trying not to cry. It was seeing that shock and hurt on their faces. It was hearing a gunshot and finding them, bloody and limp on the floor of that kitchen beside his parents, their eyes staring accusingly at him, and he knew it was his fault, and that they thought he hated him. It was dreaming that, after everything, they did take the baby. 

He didn't hate Mulder and Scully. He didn't. But he also hadn't been exactly lying when he said all of those things. A part of him meant it. He hadn't planned to say it that way—it was the kind of thing that you never, ever say out loud; even an asshole like him knew that—but it wasn't as if it had come out of nowhere. It was the things he'd been thinking since he was a kid, since he had that seizure and those shared visions when he was fifteen, since he found out Dana was pregnant again. It was every hurt feeling and resentful thought he'd ever had towards Ginger spilling over his lips, and he hadn't, he hadn't meant to hurt them. Not like that. It was every fight he'd ever had with his parents but worse, and he'd done it to save them, but what if it didn't work? What if it didn't fucking work? He had nightmares about them dead on the living room floor and woke up shaking. 

It didn't help that he had almost no distractions. He'd cut off the streaming services and the WiFi in an attempt to be practical, and without cable, all he had to watch were mindless DVDs. He could go to the library and use the free WiFi, but he felt too paranoid in public, his skin crawling, constantly glancing over his shoulder. He started taking out books from the library—in big stacks, the way he'd done when he was a kid—but that didn't work, either. It was too quiet to read; the silence was deafening and shook him to the core. He didn't have any real friends; he'd distanced himself from his weed-smoking buddies, and he knew there wasn't much substance in those relationships, anyway. They didn't know a thing about him, and they didn't care to find out. And he couldn't get close; he couldn't expose them to the danger that Mulder and Dana were in. (Had been in. He didn't know anymore.) He didn't have Sarah, and he didn't have anyone else. Not his parents, not his other family. Not even his awkward birth parents. All he could do was disappear into himself, and his suffocating memories and nightmares. 

Weirdly enough, driving was one of the things that helped. It wasn't magic or some shit like that, but it was monotonous and focused enough that Jackson could be in a state of unthinking. And so he drove, as much as he could afford it. Circled Richmond and back again. Drove up and down the East Coast when he had a few days off. Ran when he couldn't drive, but it wasn't quite the same. There was something freeing about driving, taking the road back piece by piece. Running without actually running, having the power to get away. He drove like he did in the months after leaving Norfolk, pedal to the metal, gazing over his shoulder with a lazy defiance. 

He got a record four days off one weekend in September, and by way of celebration, he took off to the north, tearing through the giant-ass state of Virginia, speeding past DC, and heading up to New England. Part of him wanted to see how far he could go, and part of him just wanted to stay on the road as long as possible. It was still hot as hell, too hot for fucking September, and he kept the windows down, the air blowing through the car and mussing his unbrushed hair. He needed a haircut. He could still his mother's soft voice, her lilting Midwest accent in his head: You need a haircut, honey. Chiding, tugging at his bangs gently. Kissing him on the head when he wouldn't swat her away. He wished he had never, ever swatted her away, and it hurt to remember, and he tried not to. But they kept slipping in, his parents. Everyone did: he saw signs for New York and thought of the trip there that he and Sarah wanted to take after graduation, saw signs for Atlantic City and remembered the stupidly soft t-shirt Bri bought him when she went on vacation there. Thought of his Aunt Ursula in Pennsylvania, where she lived, and his family's trip to Cape Cod one summer. Heard his father critique his driving, heard his mother sing along to songs on the radio. 

Mulder and Ginger were at the back of his mind, too. He didn't look for them anymore, didn't try to hear them—he hadn't let himself since that night, no sense in driving the knife in fucking harder, Jesus Christ—but sometimes he got scraps. Little involuntary scraps of thought, of their voices in his head: Mulder humming while he cooked dinner, or Scully folding baby clothes in quivering hands, or Mulder's hand feeling the baby kick, or Scully in his room in the middle of the night, holding that bunny with a tentative sort of embarrassment… 

He always, always pushed it away. He had to, he was done, it was for their own good, and if he felt too guilty, he might go back… 

But he couldn't control when it came. That was one thing he couldn't do. 

That was why he heard it, that night. The night he was parked out in some sprawling field in Maine, lying on the hood of his car and looking at the stars. He was hovering on the edge of sleep and thinking he was fucking insane if he fell asleep out here, when he felt it wash over him like a wave, overtaking him. Fear. And it wasn't his. 

It was so strong, it made him shoot up, slipping awkwardly down the slope of the car hood, his heart pounding. It was fear, and it wasn't his, but it was someone close to him, and so he reached out, because he had to know what it was. 

The words bulleted through his brain, so hard he slipped and fell off the car, landing on his butt in the grass. Mulder's voice, tight and desperate: Please, please, please don't do this. 

"Mulder?" Jackson blurted involuntarily, before he remembered that Mulder couldn't hear him. His chest was tight, his heart pounding; his head ached like someone was driving a fucking spike through it. (What was it, what the fuck was happening, had they come for Mulder? Had what he'd said done fucking nothing to protect them?) He blinked, spots across his vision, his forehead throbbing, and tried again silently: Mulder? 

He could feel the fear, could practically feel the pounding of Mulder's heart. Could feel the tears in Mulder's eyes, or maybe that was his own; the emotions were pouring through him, so powerful it nearly pinned him to the ground. His head felt like it was splitting in two. He heard a wrenched, muted, Oh, god. 

Mulder! Jackson thought, desperately, his fingers digging hard into the grass and dirt. He couldn't breathe, his chest was weighed down, he was gasping like a fish. Mulder, it's Jackson. It's… it's your son. Shit. Fucking hell. He shut his eyes. 

Who are they what are they doing here… what if they're here for her what if it goes like last time, fuck, I can't do this, I can't lose her… 

Was it Dana? Jackson was biting his lip, and he didn't know it until he felt the tang of blood in his mouth, and he gasped. What is it, what's wrong with Dana? he tried, but Mulder couldn't hear. 

The thoughts came flooding through, in a muddled mess: She's in pain and I can't help her, oh god I can't help, Scully I'm so sorry, I'm going to stay right with you the whole time I swear but what if it's not enough… Fuck fuck I can't do this, what if something goes wrong, but I don't want her to know I'm upset, but Jesus Christ if I lose them… I love them so much… who are they are they nurses… if anyone lays a fucking hand on my wife or my daughter… oh god is she okay is she okay Scully please please don't leave me… 

A sharp pain hit Jackson, and he rolled abruptly on his side. "Fuck," he hissed out through his teeth, and he was reaching out again: Mulder? Mulder? Dana, are you there? Tears were wet on his face, and he couldn't breathe. The baby was coming, he knew that immediately. But what the fuck was going on? Were they in danger, was someone coming for them or the baby? Was Dana dying, was the baby dying? Were they okay? Were they okay, were they okay? Had he fucking failed again? He didn't meant to hurt them this way, but he had, and oh god, if they died now, they'd never know… 

He dug his fingers into the ground and tried again, his silent voice pleading as tears dried on his face. Dana? Mulder? Are you there? Are you there? His head fell forward, his cheek against the grass. Ginger? he tried, and he felt like a child again. It's… it's William. Jackson  Are you there?  

Silence. Only silence. He reached and couldn't find them. Couldn't find his sister. Maybe it was a coincidence, a fluke, he couldn't always find people. But maybe it wasn't. 

---

Their daughter was born in a heartbeat moment. One second she wasn't there, and the next she was. 

Scully didn't remember much from the moments after—fatigued and feeling faint with pain—but there was one thing she'd never forget: the sound of her daughter's first healthy cry. The image of the tiny baby being held up before her. She would hold onto it for as long as she lived.

"It's a girl," the nurse said cheerfully. You were right, Mulder, Scully tried to say, but her lips were numb. Her head was lolled back against the pillow, but she didn't take her eyes off her daughter. She lifted her arms, limp, to reach for her. 

The nurse lay her, her wriggling daughter, onto Scully's chest. The weight was welcome. She was so small, and Scully loved her immediately. 

"Oh, honey," Mulder whispered, his voice breaking. He reached down with a trembling hand to cup the back of their daughter's head. "Honey."

Scully had a gentle hand on her daughter's back. She leaned down to press her lips to her dark, downy head, whispering, "Hi. Hi, baby." 

The baby was wailing, her tiny hands grasping for purchase, her eyes big and blue, like her mother's, like Missy's. Like Emily's, and like William's when he'd been little. She met her daughter's eyes as she stroked the top of her head, and she could feel the weight of it bearing on her chest, cinching it tight. She kissed her baby's hair again and whispered, "Hi, Lily." 

She hadn't dared to call her that out loud yet, but she'd known for a while now. Ever since Jackson had suggested it. That had been her silent name for a long time now.

Mulder was crouched beside them, his hand on Scully's shoulder and his eyes on Lily. Scully raised her chin to look at him, and he nodded immediately, in total, silent agreement. He smiled, shaky through his tears. 

He'd been crying since her labor started, in fear or in empathy or probably both. He'd clutched at her hand almost as hard as she'd clutched his. He'd tensed every time someone new entered the room, his arms protective around her shoulder. At one point, she'd heard him whisper, "Please, Scully, please…" when she'd cried out. He was as afraid as she'd been. 

Now, he accepted the nurse's offer to cut the cord with shaking hands. Scully lay woozily back against the pillows as the nurses gave Lily to her father, swallowed up in his arms. The thought came to her involuntarily: Mulder holding William for the first time. That same look of awe on his face. Her eyes filled with tears. She reached for them and felt Lily's little hand curl around her finger. 

---

Jackson woke up curled up on the field. No long limp or in pain, the energy leaking back into him. He felt hungover, but awake. Awake and sure of what he had to do. 

He stumbled jelly-like, almost without thinking about it, to the door of his car and yanked it open. Climbed in immediately and started it. 

He had to get to Farrs Corner. He had to make sure they were okay, if he wasn't already too late.

---

The day before, he'd been so fucking scared. So scared he honestly couldn't believe it now, with his daughter nestled cozily in his arms and his wife sleeping beside him. But he had been. Seeing Scully in pain like that, remembering how badly it had gone before and the potential for it to go badly now… Every cry of pain had cut him to the core, made him feel helpless; every nurse coming in and out of the room had seemed like someone sent to hurt them, to take Scully and Lily away from him. He hadn't known what to do, how to help, how to make sure he'd never have to live a day without either of them. He knew now that the fears were irrational, but it had all seemed so real. After everything with William, he couldn't imagine going through that again. 

But Scully was okay. She was exhausted, and still in pain, but she was okay, and she was going to be okay. She was asleep now, propped up on pillows, her hair spread across the pillow. And he was holding their daughter, curled up against his chest. Skin to skin, the nurses had suggested. He was keeping her warm. 

She was tiny with a shock of dark hair and the lightest dusting of freckles. Mulder thought she looked like Samantha when she was born, the same dark hair and the shape of her nose. But her eyes were as blue as Scully's, and she had her mother's freckles, and she was here, and whole, and she and Scully were both fine. They were both fine, and Mulder officially wanted to never leave either of them ever again.

He held their daughter, his hand cupping her small head. She yawned, a quiet sound, and he stroked her forehead with one finger, gently. He ran the finger down her arm, and she grabbed onto it with her entire hand, her own tiny fingers. Tears welled involuntarily in his eyes, and he leaned forward to press a light kiss to her forehead. “Hey, kiddo,” he whispered, so only she could hear. “Hey, baby. You made it. You're here.”

Lily looked up at him with a touch of—he swore it—curiosity in her eyes, and he grinned. “I'm your dad,” he said softly. "I'm your dad."

---

They headed home with the baby by the next night. Scully knew she could've stayed at least an extra day, but the birth had gone smoothly, considering the risks. She and the baby were in good health. And besides that, she had stayed in the hospital way too many times for her own liking; she was content not to stay as a patient a minute longer than she needed to. There was the argument that she and Mulder could rest while the baby was taken care of, but she knew that they were both nervous about the possibility of people coming for her. They'd feel better if they were the ones taking care of her, if they could keep her in sight; neither of them preferred letting strangers take care of her. It seemed exceedingly better to just head back home. 

The act of it was a little overwhelming for them both, Scully could tell. Last time, it had just been her and her mother, flying back from Georgia, her anxiety heightened and fueling into a refusal to let William out of her sight. She'd missed Mulder horribly throughout the whole trip, her only comfort being his promise that he would come and see them as soon as they'd gotten home. He hadn't been there to bring William home for the first time. 

Now they were both here, and it wasn't as scary as it had been before—she had to keep reminding herself that everything was fine to their knowledge, that they encountered anyone dangerous so far—but it still felt monumental. Mulder drove as carefully as he had on the way to the hospital, his hands steadier on the wheel, looking over his shoulder in increments at the baby. Scully was sitting in the back with Lily, an absent hand on the edge of the car seat. She couldn't take her eyes off of her, didn't want to. She thought she could spend the rest of her life like this, just sitting with her daughter.

She was so small and quiet; Scully knew it had only been a day, but she thought that Lily might be the quietest baby she had ever seen. She didn't look much like William did when he was this age, and the thought didn't hurt Scully as much as it once would have. She had hair, for one thing, dark downy hair, and she was littler than William had been. She was restless, kicking at the blanket Mulder wrapped her in with her little socked feet. Scully thought she looked a little like the old black and white pictures she’d seen of her mother as an infant, but Mulder insisted she looked like Samantha. (They'd been bickering mildly about who Lily looked like since yesterday; they were both saying she looked like the other. But it was easy to see the face of loved ones in their daughter; she understood the impulse as well as anything. They'd both lost so many people. But she did look like Mulder. Scully could see him in her face.) 

Lily was quiet on the drive home, focused on trying to jam her fist in her mouth. "She's almost got it," Mulder said with a sort of quiet, amused affection, looking at them in the rearview mirror. 

Scully chuckled. "This one is on you," she told him seriously, nudging Lily's fist open with the tip of one finger. "All these years of sticking random evidence in your mouth…"

Lily yawned, kicking her feet again. "I'll tell her not to eat the random white specks on the ground," Mulder said, looking over his shoulder as they stopped at a light and smiling. 

Mulder was in love with the baby as much as she was, maybe even to a greater extent. He'd kept his promise: he hadn't left their side in the hospital, either of theirs. While Scully slept in the hospital, exhausted, he had crept to the nursery to look at their daughter through the window before bringing her back to the room to do skin-to-skin at the nurse's direction. “I didn't want to leave her alone,” he'd said as they left the hospital. “I didn't want to leave either of you alone.” The sight of the two of them together was enough to make Scully cry, remembering what little time they'd all spent together the first time. She could still see him in the back of her mind, seventeen years younger and trying to rock William back to sleep. 

(Thinking of William—Jackson—made her wince, involuntarily, because the things he'd said were still solidly lodged in her mind. You kept me around for about nine months before you got tired of me and gave me up for adoption. You never came looking for me. It stung, made her chest tighten and clench like a vice. She missed him so much, and she wanted to tell him she was sorry, but the memories still hurt like hell. She felt the need to reassure Lily and promise her that she would never, ever do that to her, but she felt like it was a betrayal of her son. She blinked back tears rapidly and leaned down to press a kiss to her daughter's forehead.)

Mulder carried Lily into the house. Scully insisted; she wanted him to experience every single moment he had missed out on. 

--- 

Jackson drove all day to get back to Farrs Corner. He bought a supply of Monster energy drinks and snacks that he piled in the passenger seat so he could drive through without stopping. He had to get there, he had to get there. He pissed on the side of the road to save time, blinked blearily at the road and held onto the steering wheel hard. There wasn't any choice. All he could hope for was that he wouldn't be too late this time, that he wouldn't be such a fuck-up. That he could give his sister the life he never had. 

New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut. New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia. He kept reaching out, searching for Dana and Mulder, and finding nothing. His mind was racing with insane scenarios, with the images from his nightmares. He kept seeing his parents, hearing the rustle of the body bags as they were zipped up, and seeing Mulder and Scully in their face, and it was too hard. He pounded the steering wheel with his palms, he blasted the radio at full volume, he screamed under the pounding sound of the radio. He was so fucking frustrated, he should've bought a plane ticket but he had no money. He drove and drove and drove. Maryland, and finally Virginia. The sun had sunk low below the horizon, and Jackson felt half-dead. But he couldn't stop. He could not stop. 

 He kept hearing Mulder's frightened voice in his head. Kept replaying that night in the beach, the way Mulder had yanked back like he had slapped him, the way Scully had insisted, "That's not true." They'd both been crying when he'd left, and now they'd never know… He'd had a fight with his parents the day before they died, and they'd been okay right before, he didn't think his parents were still mad at him when it happened. But he'd always hate himself for not apologizing. He'd said a lot of horrible things to them, told him he hated them, and he hadn't, he hadn't, but he'd never be able to tell them. And he didn't know what the hell he wanted to tell them, but he wanted the chance to do it. He couldn't let them die or get hurt because of him. He had a sister, he had two sisters, and one of them was gone, but he might have the chance to help one of them. He might still be able to save his baby sister. 

He drove, foot hard on the gas. He drove to their house, because he wasn't sure where else they would be. If nothing else, it was a place to start, a place to possibly reestablish a connection so he could find them somewhere else. 

It took longer than he would've liked to reach their stupid little country house, following those winding, remote roads. Or maybe it was just because he'd been driving all day. He hated their gate, hated that he had to get out and drag it out of the way, and the fact that it was closed sent a flurry of questions through his mind. (Were there assassins just kind enough to close the gate after themselves so that no one would guess they'd been here? This indicated that Mulder and Dana maybe hadn't left in a hurry. But he still didn't know whether or not there was danger from assassins or abductors, or just from a medical issue; they could've gone to the hospital and been followed there. He still had no idea.) He followed the driveway to the end, where he found their car parked neatly adjacent to the porch. 

Jackson's breath faltered as it whooshed out of him, as he stepped on the brake and threw the car into Park. What the fuck? What the fuck was going on? He could feel the energy, the fight leaching out of him in one fell swoop; he was exhausted, but he couldn't stop now. He fumbled for the door handle and found it, stumbled outside, his feet slipping on the grass. As he shut the door behind him, he heard a baby crying. 

He ran up the steps before faltering at the door, his mind racing. Had he been wrong? Was nothing wrong at all, were they perfectly okay? He wasn't sure anymore, but he knew he had to know, and so he reached for the door handle and yanked it open. 

Dana was sitting on the couch, cradling what kinda looked like a bundle of blankets, rocking back and forth and shushing quietly. But when Jackson shoved the screen open and it hit the opposite wall with a cacophonous bang, she tensed, her head shooting him and one hand pressing protectively over the bundle. No, not a fucking bundle; the baby. His sister, still crying, possibly startled at the loud sound. Dana's eyes were wide, like she was afraid, but she seemed to relax at the sight of him, only a little bit. "Jackson?" she asked, and her voice was full of disbelief. 

He nodded. He was stiff and frozen, taking the situation in. Dana looked fine. She was pale and clearly tired, bags under her eyes, but she looked just fine. She'd loosened her grip on the baby, stopped shielding her head, and Jackson could see her a little better. The baby looked fine, too, red-faced and wailing with a shock of dark hair. Dana's eyes darted down to her, and she began rocking back and forth again, shushing her. "I'm sorry…" she said to Jackson, not looking at him. "We're still a work in progress here."

Jackson's mind was still faltering; he wasn't exactly sure what the hell was going on. His heart was thudding dully, he couldn't catch his breath. He could still hear the echoes of Mulder's panic bouncing around his skull, but now he was wondering if maybe he'd heard wrong. People had gotten in his head before and manipulated him, that smoking fucker had for most of his life… Was it really possible that they could both be okay?

"This is Lily," Dana said suddenly. The baby's wails had subsided a bit, turned mostly to sniffling, and Dana held her close. "Your sister," she added quietly, like she might regret it. 

It hit him suddenly, almost took his breath away: they'd used his name. The name he suggested. His sister.

He was trembling, and he took a step inside the house, letting the screen door whap shut behind him. He bunched his hands into fists, took a breath and blurted, "You're okay? Y-you and the baby, you're…" He couldn't finish. He was still seeing the nightmare images, he still didn't know what had happened. 

"We're just fine," Ginger said, and she smiled absently when she said it. Lily had gone quiet, chewing on her hand with her head lolling against her mother's shoulder. "It was an easier birth than I expected… She's a little early, but she's a strong one. She's gonna be fine."

"A-and Mulder?" he managed. "Mulder's okay?"

She nodded, her forehead furrowing with confusion. "He's just fine… Sweetie, are you okay?" she asked, and then winced, as if she hadn't meant to say that. 

Jackson nodded. He was suddenly exhausted, almost faint. "I… I drove a lot today," he said pathetically. 

Worry immediately passed over her face, and she said, "Sit down. Get some rest, okay?" He went for the chair, sinking into it like a rock in water. "I… If you don't mind holding the baby, I can get you something to drink…"

"No," he said quickly, and he didn't know if it was because he didn't want to hold the baby or because he didn't think that Dana should be doing a damn thing for him, considering. "No, you… don't need to get anything for me. I'm okay." He admittedly didn't know shit about giving birth, or anything remotely related, but he at least knew that it hurt like hell. Dana probably needed to rest. 

She looked like she didn't believe him, but the baby started to fuss again, and she started to shush her again, rocking her. "It's okay," she whispered, and the words hit Jackson like a ton of bricks. He wasn't sure he believed her, but she still said it again, soothing the baby: "It's okay."

Jackson heard a familiar clomping on the stairs, and Mulder was appearing with a blanket and a plastic tube of something. "I've got the—" he began, and then stopped in his tracks when he saw Jackson. Silent for a moment, and then he was saying, "Hi, Jack," somehow too quickly and too slow all at once. 

"Hi, Mulder," Jackson replied huskily, looking down at his dirty sneakers. He was suddenly horrible embarrassed, feeling like a fucking idiot. He'd come running all this way for nothing, when he was probably the last person they wanted to see, and he could be putting them in more fucking danger by being here. The baby, too. Lily. And all because he'd misheard some of Mulder's anxiety or something. Had Mulder even known that he could hear him? Had he wanted him to come? He didn't know how to ask these things. 

"I—" Mulder faltered, his breath shaky. "It's really good to see you, Jackson," he said, his voice breaking a little. "Really good."

They hadn't thought he would come back, he realized. And he hadn't meant to.

Dana broke the silence. "I think someone needs a change," she said, breaking off into a yawn. 

"Here, I've got her." Jackson looked up in time to see Mulder scooping up Lily, whispering, "There's my girl." The baby was still crying, her little face turning red. "You should go get some sleep, honey," he said softly, holding the baby against his shoulder. "You're exhausted."

Dana yawned, getting to her feet. "I'm sure I'll be up in a couple of hours," she said softly. "I… I'm sorry things are so hectic, Jackson… It might be kind of noisy tonight, but, uh, make yourself comfortable… I think there's some lasagna left on the kitchen…" She picked up the plastic tube and the blanket that Mulder had left on the table. 

"That's okay," Jackson said, wishing he was anywhere else at the moment. "Uh, sleep well."

Dana retreated to the stairs, Mulder on her tail, whispering and humming to the baby. His sister. Fuck. 

Jackson let his head fall forward into his hands. He had no idea what the hell to do next; he barely even knew how to move. 

---

Everything since they’d left Jackson in the living room seemed foggy. Scully could barely remembering walking upstairs, showering, changing clothes. She’d fed Lily in bed, exhaustion tugging at her like a tether, and now she and Mulder were lying with Lily on a blanket between them. She was asleep, her fist in her mouth, lying on her back. Scully knew she should probably be in her own crib, but she felt the same need that Mulder did to keep her close. She wanted them to be together. She was so sleepy, but she caught Lily’s wayward foot in her hand and held it gently. “We should probably put her down in a minute,” she murmured.

“Okay,” Mulder whispered. His hand was on Lily’s stomach, feeling the rise and fall; he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “I’ll put her down in a minute.”

Scully shut her eyes, rubbing a thumb over the fine top of the baby’s foot, feeling each of her toes. Ten years doing work in the pediatric ward, and she was still marveling over her baby, the fact that she'd brought a real person into the world. She kissed the top of Lily's foot, and a memory came unbidden of her doing the very same thing, with William. 

“And maybe… maybe we should go check on Jackson,” she mumbled, unable to forget their son, the erratic way he’d acted when he’d arrived, the way he’d said he’d driven a lot. She was worried about him. She'd been worried for months.

“I’ll take care of it, honey,” Mulder whispered, reaching out to cup the side of his face.  His palms were pleasantly warm. “You sleep.”

She murmured her assent and felt his thumb moving against her cheek. She stroked the bottom of Lily’s foot through her sock. She was thinking about the moment that Jackson had burst through the door, the emotions swirling in his eyes—something like fear. She was remembering the moment she’d slipped up and called him sweetie, the way she’d mentally chided herself: Don’t, don’t push him, he doesn’t see you as his mother, you’re not really his mother… But a part of her always would be. She was replaying their conversation in her head, and all of a sudden, she just knew. She said, “He’s not going to be there in the morning, is he.” It wasn't a question. She knew it would happen; she was trying to find a way to make peace with it.

Mulder took an unsteady breath in time with the baby. “I don’t know,” he said softly. “I wish I did.”

Her hand moved to rest over Mulder’s, on top of Lily’s stomach, soothed by the rise and fall, and she took a sharp breath of her own. “I… I’ve missed him so much,” she whispered. “So, so much.”

“I know.” Mulder leaned forward, just a little, and she could feel him kiss her forehead. “So have I.”

There didn’t seem to be any more to say after that. She was really so tired, and she didn’t know if her son would be there in the morning, and she didn’t want him to leave, but she couldn’t ask him to stay. Mulder took her hand and squeezed it close before letting go, and she could hear him getting to his feet. She managed to open her eyes long enough to kiss her daughter good night—whispered I love you so much—and then she was out, sleeping like the dead until the baby’s cries would wake her up again.

---

Jackson fell asleep without really meaning to. He’d just gone to the kitchen to get some of the lasagna that Dana had mentioned and gone upstairs for some privacy. The next thing he knew, he was waking up on top of the covers with a greasy fork stuck to the comforter and leaving bright orange stains behind. It was dark outside, very early in the morning. He had a phantom memory of the baby crying, but the house was silent now.

He sat up immediately, gathering his bowl and his fork and leaving them on the bedside table. One thing was apparent, and that was that he needed to go right now. Now, while they were asleep, and no later. He had no idea what the hell he’d heard from Mulder, but he figured that it must’ve been a misunderstanding, or an overreaction, or maybe both. But they didn’t seem to be in danger. And there was always the possibility that he himself was putting them in danger by being here. Mulder and Dana and the kid. He’d figure it all out later, but at the moment, he needed to go. He needed space to think, to breathe. 

He stepped on the floor, realizing that he still had his shoes on, and found his keys in his pocket. For a brief moment, it seemed as if his phone was missing, but he found that tangled in the comforter where he’d mussed it up. He grabbed it and shoved it in his pocket. After a brief mental checklist, he figured he didn’t have anything in the house. He slipped out of the room, his shoes creaking softly on the floorboards, and headed for the stairs. 

His foot had just hit the top step when he felt it: the tiniest little nudge in his mind. A push, the push back of another mind. It was a bit of an unfamiliar feeling, but recognizable; he’d felt it before with Ginger, when he could hear her, when she could hear him back. He didn't feel that a lot. And that was when he knew.

Jackson turned away from the stairs, drawing closer to a door. Mulder and Dana’s bedroom. It was as if the force was drawing him in, like a magnetic field he was following, and he didn’t completely understand it, but he would follow it anyway. He went to the door and paused, just outside. Directly adjacent to the door was the crib, close to what seemed to be Dana’s side of the bed. The baby—his sister—was awake, and surprisingly silent. She lay on her back, limbs askew, and she seemed to be looking up at him. 

He could hear Mulder and Dana's steady, sleeping breaths, and he felt weird enough standing in their room while they were asleep; he didn't want to wake them up. And so he tried it silently, wanting to know whether or not she could hear: Hey, kid. 

She made no physical indications that she heard; she kind of looked like a living potato at the moment. A cute potato, but still a potato. But Jackson felt the push again, like she had no words to respond, but the presence was still there. 

He smiled, almost involuntarily. I guess… I'm your brother, he added silently. I'm Jackson. 

The baby blinked slowly, like she understood. She had Dana's eyes, a brilliant blue. Jackson didn't know how to feel about that. 

I'm sorry, kid, he was thinking before he could stop himself. I'm really sorry. I… I'm going to try to make life easier for you than it was for me, but I can't make any promises. I'm sorry about that. 

She kicked her feet absently, up and down in the air. He reached down to touch her little fist, and she grabbed his finger. Stronger than he would've expected. He grinned again, without even thinking about it. He always wanted a little sister. 

I've got to go now, he told her silently. I do. But… I'll be back someday. He meant that. He did. He didn't know when or how, but he'd come back. And in the meantime, he added, you're in a pretty good place. They're good people. They… they'll take care of you. He knew that was true, too. Lily's fingers tightened around his. He whispered, unthinking, "They'll take good care of you."

He didn't know if they could hear. He didn't know whether or not he wanted them to. 

He touched the back of Lily's hand before slipping his finger out. Night, kid, he thought, and exited the room as quietly as he could manage. 

When he stepped into the hall, he heard a long creak, and looked behind him to see the door swinging mostly closed. It could've been the wind, or hinges, or even a ghost, if he was being indulgent. But he suspected that someone else was to blame for it. 

He slipped downstairs, keys in hand, ready to bolt for the door. But something made him pause. Pause, in the messy kitchen, and go for a notepad on the kitchen counter. He'd been such a fucking asshole he could hardly believe it; the least he could do was leave a goddamn note. He didn't owe his birth parents much, but he owed them this. Just this. Reassurance that he was okay.

He wrote in a scribbled, messy hand and left the note on the kitchen table before slipping out the door.

Hey,

I had to go. I have things I have to do, and besides, you deserve this time with the kid. I hope you guys have a good time together. She's a sweet kid. 

I'm sorry I dropped in like that, and I'm sorry to leave while you're asleep. I'm sorry for everything else, too. I really am. Thanks for all you've done for me. 

I'll try to come by soon. 

— Jackson

[thebutchersdaughtersblog]

A long night Felix x Reader

I hope you like this story it took a while to write

Requested by-@your-shinobi

Waring-Slight NSFW

A cold night and Felix walking with the Cullen's to the throne room and with a forceful push the heavy door opening into the larger room. A young Y/n was standing next to Emmett as she hung on to Rosalie's arm scared as she hears these people were killer of their own kind. She knew what type of people they were and yet she came with her new family and was scared out of her mind Edward step forward to show Bella was doing ok along with his daughter.

Y/n looked around at all the guards, her eyes locking onto one guard. Her breath caught in her throat "'shit " she thought and moved closer to Rosalie and Rosalie looked down at her adopted daughter and she sent a small smile telling her "it's fine darling we'll being leaving soon," Y/n simply nodded her head but keep close in fear and shock. A little while later Aro had seen Y/n and asked her to come forward she was scared out of her mind and her father noticed it and took her arm in his and walked forward and stood proudly by her side as she gave aro her hand. He took her hand greedily and looked at her and her thoughts."Ah, what a  life you have had, " Aro said with a smile and then Y/n felt a hand on grabbing her hand.

She looked back and saw Felix Volturi, she felt her heart stop, She felt her face grow red. Felix picked her up and began to walk away. Emmett chased after him but Alec stood in his way as Aro exclaimed"Now now Emmett you don't want to fight him for his mate," Emmett's  non-beating heart stopped."No no, I will not have my child be a mate of the Volturi!"Rosalie screamed as her family held her back. Caius stood up and walked over to her before smiling at her "Well too bad because it's already been sealed darling," venom dripping from his words.Y/n was still in the arms of Felix as he walked out of the room.

He placed you on your feet before slowly walking forward and you began to walk backward until your back hit the wall."You've been gone far too long my dear," Felix said while placing his hand on the right side of your face. You felt yourself lean further into his touch it was intoxicating. He placed his arm under as you wrapped your leg around his middle. His eyes flickered between your eyes and your pink full lips. You found yourself leaning in as well. He pushes you against the wall hard not hard enough to hurt you but enough to tell you that he was in charge. You pulled away from the kiss to catch your breath only to have gasp from the feeling of cold lips on your neck.

You looked over his shoulder only to see the door open slowly"Felix someone's coming"you whisper into his ear. He growled at this. He gently placed you on the ground looking at you and smiling a small smile. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close and spun you around, you let out a small squeal. You began to laugh as he put you back on your feet, you smiled up at him. A small vampire walked out of the room with his head down and looked over at you and Felix giving a knowing nod before running down the hall.

Felix left out a huff of air before he leaned down kisses your forehead and gave you a small squeeze. You felt safe from everything and yet you wanted to stay with him as long as possible. You dug your head into his neck as he picks you up and carried you to his room. He placed you on his large bed he never used and walk over and turned on his Xbox and grabbing his controller. He made his way back to the bed where you had found a soft blanket to wrap up in. He laughed when he saw you wrapped up in his blanket. He walked over to you and picked you and the blanket up and sat you on his lap. Felix had been playing his game for a while and your head was leaned up against his left peck and his arms around you. You had a mischievous idea, you looked up at Felix. He was so concentrated on his game, so you turned yourself around to where your legs were on both side of his legs. Felix helps with this but didn't know why you decide to move. 

You looked at Felix who ha paused his game to see what on earth you were doing. You gave him a smile as you enclosed your arms around his neck. He placed his hands on your waist and pulled you close but accidentally created fiction. A groan left his lips as you smirked. You rolled your hips again making more fiction. You continued to make fiction and Felix's groans became louder but you began to slow down to a halt.

You smirked at him. He looked at you with pitch black eyes. In a flash you were under his large body, he leaned down"You're playing a dangerous game kitten," he said in a low whisper. He began to kiss under your ear and slowly making his way back to your neck. You sucked in the air, Felix rolled his hips down on to yours.

You went to wrap your arms around his neck but he grabbed them and pulled them above your head, he looked down at you with a look that made you weak, if you were standing you probably might have fallen from the look he was giving you."Oh, kitten you don't get to touch since I waited so long just to hold you, and now see you like this makes me want to claim you as mine, leave bite marks on your neck so everyone will see that you belong to me, "He said in a husked tone. He leaned down in a rushed action while letting a growl leave his lips that were swollen from kissing you hard. He continued to roll his hips into you and you couldn't keep your voice from him any longer. You let a long moan. He smirked at this and stopped his movement. You moaned in protested you rubbed your legs together try to create but Felix was in between you legs you groaned in frustrated at the leak of contact.

He let a chuckle at your whines before he moved further down to where he was at your heat. He looked up at your red face before he pulled off your pants and looked at your face to make you wanted this to happen. You let a whine as he kissed your inner thigh also leaving bite marks on your legs. He began to eat you out and you began to squirm but he held you down by your hips. You began to feel a knot form in your stomach as he pulled your heat close he moaned like a cat in heat. He couldn't get enough of your taste. Your body heat began to rise as you got closer to release.

Your hands made their way to his hair and began to pull at it. He moaned at your actions but before you could release he pulled away and look at the door."Hurry get dressed kitten we'll be having some company soon," He said while licking the side of your neck. You whined at this, you had unfinished business to finish. The door open to revealed Aro. "Young y/n you'll be staying with us for a while so please make yourself at home," he said giving a knowing smile. You felt your face turn red as he left, Felix turns his attention back to you. Pushing you back on to the bed, "Now where were we?" Felix questioned teasingly Oh boy you guys had a long night ahead of you.